Monday, December 31, 2007

Note to all:

Happy freakin' new year!

Beep beep.

Sunday, December 30, 2007

Note to the New England Patriots:

I hate you.

beep beep

Friday, December 28, 2007

Note to Schuyler:

Uh oh, I think you've just invited a rant from WD about your non-usage of html links....

Beep or is this part of our strategy to fly under the radar with sites that might track their backlinks? Beep
Note to paddle fans:

Evidently I'm in the Winston-Salem Southern Invitational Hall of Fame thanks to my 2004 performance.

http://southerninvitationalplatform.blogspot.com/2006/02/si-hall-of-fame.html

Beep 2 points, baby! Beep

Thursday, December 27, 2007

Note to all lovers of freedom:

So as I sit here in our New York office, painfully finishing some long-overdue busy work and getting interupted by more busy work requests from my boss, the whole media team is playing Rock Band in the game room.

Argh.

Beep Beep
Note to WD:

One 'M' in 'Somerville'.

      Note to PPF & Dr. Nick: I agree with Liz. All the cool kids live
      there.

      Beep Beep.

Beep Beep.

Wednesday, December 26, 2007

Note to all:

I have dragged Pammy off to NY state, given her rations to a ravenous puppy, stolen her iPod, and ruthlessly left her behind. Let this be a lesson to you all.

Beep I don't know what she did to deserve all that, but I'm sure I'll come up with something while drunk beep!

Monday, December 24, 2007

Note to Carlos Ray Norris devotees:

Chuck's tears don't cure cancer.

Beep I knew a guy that did charge his cell phone by rubbing it on Chuck's beard Beep
Note to anyone still considering Hillary:

Turns out Hillary and the government are better parents than any of us will ever be. This probably means the end of Guitar Hero 4: Fancy no-pants edition.

Beep Beep

Sunday, December 23, 2007

Note to Everyone in and around Penfield:

The official Miller Christmas Eve Extravaganza with Guitar Hero (tm) will start sometime shortly after nightfall. In fact, Brian and I might start grilling out around 5pm ish. So come over whenever. This means you, Pam and Liz.

Beep Brian also wants to play Rock Band, but I'm worried that will upset the natives Beep
Note to Janel:

My mom has thrown down the gauntlet. She made bourbon balls.

Beep She messed up the recipe a little and they were too dry. So she added more and more bourbon until they were moist enough. Beep

Saturday, December 22, 2007

Note to New York:

Look out, the Capones are coming!

Beep and they're bringing rum balls! beep

Friday, December 21, 2007

Note to WD:

Actually, I believe PPF coined the WD Douchebag name...I just copied her genius.

And I believe that I did have a rather clever text to you recently. See below:

WD-(or so it appeared...apparently it was not): God! I love cock!

KQ: Doug! Did you finally run out of women to sleep with??

Beep I am funny dammit! I am! beep

PS...If I bring extra-strength rum balls to christmas eve will that make everything better?

Beep and I mean EXTRA beep
Note to all:

Less fighting, more one liners.

Beep Also, vzw can choke on the coal in their bourbon before I pay them $1123.47 per MB to transport my data. Beep.
Note to Pam:

Pam, my dearest. I'm sorry it had to come to this. I could think of no other way to break the news to you. I am truly sorry if I have hurt you.

If you makes you feel better (note: it won't), Liz discovered the blog on her own just after I started it. So it's not like I have been hiding it from any of you. I just felt that now might be the right time to share it with you.

There are no txts from you because your best -- and most cuttingly insulting -- work tends to be done over voicemail.

B33p B33p
Note to Killer Queen:

What I meant to say is, most of you who are either funny or have a tendency to drunkenly message me already made it to the greattxts blog. Guess that means either you are not funny or you hate freedom.

Beep Yeah, I'm kinda surprised Brian hasn't made an appearance in the blog too Beep

PS - You called me straight out "douchebag?" Looks like I know who's getting coal in their bourbon on Christmas Eve!
Note to WD Douchebag tm:

Who exactly did you mean by "most of you" are in there. I do believe that is quite an exaggeration. Liarface.

Beep you two-timing bastard beep

Thursday, December 20, 2007

Note to WD to douchebag to Chance:

You've been cheating on us for three months?

And THIS is how you tell us?

And there are no texts from me?

Dick.

The least you can do is provide us with a name conversion list.

Beep Beep
Note to slightly bored office dwellers:

I've been cheating on you with another blog. It's been all my own doing so far, and it's of text messages that I think are too funny to delete without saving somewhere. Anyhow, it's called great txts. Take a look if you're interested. Each entry is really short and hopefully kind of funny.

Beep oh yeah, many of you are already in there, fyi Beep
Note to A-Rod Haters (incl. me):

This might be the most succinctly brilliant thing FJM has ever had to say about A-Rod. I mean, I might think he's a money grubbing bastard who screwed the city of Seattle by leaving town and then bitched about life in Texas at $25 million per year, but he is a damn good baseball player.

(Side note: Sky, is his fielding at third really below league average now, or are the haters just trying to find a new venue to hate?)

Beep The fact that he re-signed with the Yanks cost me two tickets to Sabres vs Rangers... and those ain't cheap Beep

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Note to Ma and Pa Spears:

You must be so proud.

Beep apparently their mother was planning on publishing a parenting book, (on hold) which was destined to be a best seller I'm sure beep.
Note to Kate:

Happy Birthday!

Beep mmm, Christmas cookies Beep
Note to VZW:

How is it not possible to view calls made since my last statement? You know that I know that you know that information, yet still you won't show me, or tell me. I hope google/Paul Allen/anybody buys up the 700 MHz spectrum and forms a competing network that drives your unfriendly ass company out of business. Then I hope a naked man burns your house down and posts the video on youtube.

Beep Beep.
Note to music and grilling lovers:

Wha....what? Huh?

Beep Beep

Monday, December 17, 2007

Note to Liz:

I'm not sure if there's a way for you to record your search history, but I'm sure the fine folks at Google already are.

Beep Big Brother is behaviorally targeting you Beep

Sunday, December 16, 2007

Note to Miami Dolphins fans:

I predict that tonight is the start of a winning streak.

Beep beep.
Note to Guitar Heros:

Who does this remind you of?

Also, Santa should bring one of these for all of us.

Beep why isn't that a real version yet? Someone get on that. beep.

Saturday, December 15, 2007

Note to Pammy:

Are you sure you weren't requested to wear a black skirt and bring some hoe's?

Beep Liz, you can blame "vibrating pocket pussy" on Lane Beep

Friday, December 14, 2007

Note to people who were formerly in my house:

Is there a way for me to record the browsing history on my computer? Because the shit you guys were visiting last week is priceless.

Beep especially since I had to Google "Vineyard Christian Fellowship" Sunday night beep!
Note to Franklin:

I'm going to have to give you a length of rope and ask you to elaborate.

Beep beep
Note to all Rochesterians (Rochesterites? Rochesters?):

I think the entire city should feel shame for this gentleman.

(courtesy of the fine folks at StraightCashHomey.net)

Beep A retired WNBA player's jersey, dude? Really? Beep
Note to Dorthworth Comrades:

No wonder my team missed the playoffs, there was nary a 'roid amongst the bunch. You guys can ride your ethics high horses all the way to the bottom of the rankings next year, but I say pass the Winstrol.

Beep Gary Sheffield really is the bane of my existence nowadays Beep
Note to all:

Yes, I am back looking at Craigslist ads.

Currently, I would place myself between Panels 2 and 3.

Beep Beep.
Note to all:

Check out this FJM write-up.

I kind of want to go on a rant about being a libertarian right now, but instead I'll just say that I find it very difficult to have respect for anyone who writes a book or an article or a treatise on "purity." They always seem to have skeletons in the closet along the lines of "do as I say and try not to pay attention while I am nailing my wife's best friend." Or in this case "while Roger injects horse steroids into my ass."

Beep If you are sure that all of us godless northeastern liberals are going to hell, why can't you just shut up about it and wait to gloat until we get there Beep
Note to Capones:

Will you go to Pam's concert if I am there?

Beep Will that line keep working if I use it every week? Who wants to write me some new material? Beep.
Note to WD:

The actual video is a little disappointing. Once I got over the feeling that having a blog related to everything Monroe County firefighters do is a little weird, I wondered what happened to the rest of the footage.

Beep Beep.
Note to Pam (and others who didn't quite follow the narrative):

That's Brian's friggin former apartment in Rochester. ON FIRE! Like, while he still lived there and stuff.

B33p Where's the naked guy or the Somali refugees Beep

Thursday, December 13, 2007

Note to YouTube people:

What am I missing?


Also, SNOW DAY!!

Beep Beep
Note to Brian:

Holy crap!

Beep beep.
Note to all:

I've heard that one can find everything on youtube, but I didn't believe it until now: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yMXC7vfL_9E

Copy and paste so we don't end up as the referrer, but it'll be worth it, I promise.

Beep Beep.
Note to PPF:

"Hose" are those wretchedly uncomfortable things that my in-laws insist on buying me for Christmas every year that I promptly either throw out, or donate to some needy, hose-less person, because I hate them with every fiber of my being (seriously, do I look like a girl would would wear "hose"?) Although I did recently purchase a rather cute pair of printed "stockings" which are decidedly different than "hose"...but I digress... I think you should let them know exactly where they can put their "hose". I think your best bet is a nice "skort" or "culottes" which would have everyone fooled...What about a mini-skirt with leggings? I hear that is quite fashionable amongst the kids nowadays.

Also, I am trying to convince Cory we should come to your concert. I don't know if my efforts are going to be successful, but I am trying.

Beep Chuck Norris eats "hose" for breakfast beep.
Note to voters:

John Edwards probably has the best stance on education, because he's decidedly anti-NCLB...

"You don't make a hog fatter by weighing it."

Beep not that I support John Edwards in much else Beep
Note to Pam:

Wear whatever you want. Just tell them that it's not the 1970s and Boston isn't a recently co-ed-ified institution where female singers must wear proper attire in order to prove their worth. If they look at you funny, just tell them to "Suck It" and go to your spot in the "U." I mean seriously, who wears black "hose" unless it's a corporate holiday party?


Beep Chuck Norris would tell them to Suck It Beep
Note to KQ:

One of my favorite Critter moments was when FCster, PPF, myself and Critter were attending a sporting event at Fenway. Upon returning from the ladies room, I informed PPF that "Critter had gone to buy beer." She replied "Thats Critter!?" with what appeared to be a mixture of both shock and awe, perhaps thinking of the many stories WD had related to her of their time as sketchy frat boys in a otherwise dull one stop light town in central NY, while at the same time trying to reconcile this with the first impression she had a of a somewhat innocuous fellow who had introduced himself with his relatively boring real name.

Beep Moral? MD-PhD at fancy Boston establishment of higher learning. Unsure how he is at paddle tennis. Beep.

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Note to other women:

Am I being unreasonable? I'm am extremely irritated because I just got an email from my a cappella group saying attire for women at our concert tomorrow is black *skirts* and "hose."

I get extremely agitated and feministic when people tell me I *HAVE* to wear a skirt. Especially in WINTER. And WTF is "hose?"

Grrr.

Beep Beep
Note to Sky and Liz:

How could anyone resist joining a classy tennis club that would have a member named Critter? My membership application is in the mail.

Beep Now that's high society.beep.
Note to Liz and Sky:

Amusingly enough, Critter is a member at said Boston Tennis and Racquet Club.

B33p that's all i've got B33p

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Note to all:

Can you guess what Chuck Norris' favorite game is?

...

Musket tag.

Beep I've heard he plays a mean paddle too beep
Note to Janel:

My mistake. I'd vote for Walker, Texas Ranger, too - after all, his election would render the evolution vs. intelligent design in schools discussion moot, as there is only a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.

Beep All hail the Flying Spaghetti Monster! beep!
Note to FCster:

Why, look at where some jeu de paume courts are conveniently located!

Beep Ah, but what will we call you when you leave Rochester? beep!
Note to FCster:

mlbtraderumors.com may be the greatest MLB trade rumor site in the history of the known universe, but anyone that cites Mr. Bob Matthews of the "Times Union Democrat and Chronicle" as a source of a rumor is basically dead to me.

Beep Beep.
Note to Bills fans:

My favorite safrmetrics site has the Bills with a 19% chance of making the playoffs. This week is pretty much a must-win, however.

Beep Chuck Norris doesn't jump the shark. He jumps bears. Beep
Note to LizMc:

Don't worry, I would not vote for Huckabee...and if he was elected, I would become a Canadian.

I was referring to Chuck Norris. He may be the only thing that can save this country.

And you can always live in a tent in my backyard...just look out for the bear.

Beep I mean, his chin is another fist for god's sake! That's badass! beep.
Note to Janel:

The day Mike Huckabee becomes President is the day I go underground - total radio silence. Gone black. Disappeared.

Beep Please remember to send food, I'll be in a tent in your backyard beep!

Monday, December 10, 2007

Note to all registered voters:

He's got my vote.

Beep hell yeah beep.
Note to Doug:

She is definitely trying to grab your ass.
Well done.

Beep beep.
Note to All:

Here's a shot from the party I was at on Friday night, featuring my Devil's Rejects co-captain Ro. Unlike the classier prom-style pics from earlier in the night, in this one you'll notice that I have Doug DrunkEye going on and Ro seems to be gleefully attempting to break my neck. This shot was taken around 920pm, approximately one hour before my brown-out began. Yes, I know that this is still not a good excuse for having missed Liz's party -- I just wanted to share.

Beep I am sooooo classy Beep
Note to Capone:

Welcome.

Beep did your sweater win? Beep
Note to Good Time Emporium, Tm attendees:

Any of you know anything about anyone putting headphones in my purse, for "safekeeping"?

Beep this is never going to get old beep

Sunday, December 09, 2007

Note to Extra Awesome Fun Emporium bumper car drivers:

My neck hurts.

Beep next time, def. musket tag, and I won't wear heels. beep.
Note to all:

Extra Awesome Fun Emporium? Check.

Beep musket tag next time Beep
Note to 49% of the population:

We now have a genetic excuse for leaving the toilet seat up.

Beep Beep

Friday, December 07, 2007

Note to Santa Claus:

I think you will be delivering a lot of these this Christmas.

Beep ohhhhm beep.

Thursday, December 06, 2007

Note to the television industry:

What ever happened to GI Joe and Transformers?

Beep He-man was no slouch either beep
Note to Sky:

My totally cool hippie boss made a reference to "The Final Countdown" the other day, and then proceeded to walk around singing it the rest of the day. It was awesome. Another reason I love my job.

Beep beep.
Note to all (Esp. D2):

I do what I can. *blush*

Beep ego boost beep.
Note to Pammy:

There are two kinds of people in this world. Those who hear "JT" and think James Taylor and those who hear "JT" and think Justin Timberlake. Frank!!! is clearly the second.

Do not underestimate his man-crush on JT.

Beep "Are there any women in here?" Beep
Note to Frank!!!:

You only come out of the woodwork for *nSync?

Seriously?

Beep Beep
Note to all:

We may be hitting 50% presence in Boston for this weekend. Who wants to tip it over to 60%?

Beep Beep.
Note to Killer Queen:

OMG! Your posting skillz have been so off the charts that you have even brought Frank out of seclusion in the west wing. It's almost too much to handle! Congrats to Sky for inviting you to join, and congrats to you for sparking increased posting, especially by Brian and LizMc. Phew.

Well, that's enough accolades to keep me going for a while. Time to intimidate some underlings.

Beep As for Kate? I don't expect we'll hear from her until after the holidays Beep
Note to all:

A little kid just ran through the library scream-singing The Final Countdown. And he was more on pitch than I could ever hope to be.

Beep signing out Arrested Development season three Beep
Note to KillerQueen:

It's actually *NSync (or at least 'NSync).

Beep Not the only one here who knew that Beep

Wednesday, December 05, 2007

Note to all:

In my last post, I made a reference to Justin Timerlake and his subsequent dreaminess. However, I have since realized that I made a grave error in that Justin Timberlake was not, in fact, a memeber of the Backstreet Boys, who were also prominently featured in the aforementioned post, but was actually a member of the rival boy-band, N'sync. Although I know the damage I caused with my carelessness cannot be undone, I hope you all can find it in your hearts to accept my sincere apology and forgive me for any emotional distress I may have caused.

Beep he's still dreamy beep.
Note to music lovers:

This song would make anyone want to dance!

Beep Justin is SOO dreamy! beep.
Note to Massachussetts:

See, rotaries are evil.

Beep Yikes! Beep
Note to Cory and Janel:

You'd better stay together, or you'll be destroying the earth.

Beep Beep
Note to Beep Beepers:

Luckily, I still had the post Brian was referring to open in another tab. The full version is available on demand by emailing me, but here are some of the relevant quotes:

"the place is great and it is just renovated last year....it is a wow latterly..."

"central square is 10 min walking ...were u can finde the best clubs in cimbride...Meddelsex ...Enormous Room and Midle east........omg what a crasy year i lived in Cambridge ....15 min walking u will be in the biggest shaws grossery market around boston and cambridge"

And, of course, the kicker:

"i'm a doctor and i was doing a research work at harverd medical school"

Note: all those ellipses are his, not mine.

Beep "Harverd," indeed Beep
Note to Brian:

The post is gone. Care to further elaborate? Please don't deprive us of your wit. We are starving.

Beep beep!

Tuesday, December 04, 2007

Note to Pam:

You have ridiculously tiny feet.

Beep beep.
Note to the fashion industry:

Apparently I now wear a size 5 1/2 shoe. I've heard of dropping a size, but a shoe size?

And then there's the fact that I'm also a size 3 1/2 kids.

Beep WTF?? Beep
Note to all:

No wonder our health care system is so messed up.

Beep Beep.
Note to graduates of better schools:

Harvard undergraduates, displaying their outstanding education yet again (from a political blog that somehow made it into the NYT):

"NASHUA, N.H. — At 21° Fahrenheit, it was definitely one of New Hampshire’s colder days, and most of the state stayed inside."

Beep as a bonus, you can play "spot the spelling errors" Beep
Note to Matty Y:

First off, nice to meet you.

Second, after making it known to Doug that I do not despise the Patriots, I've been instructed to ask after just WHY the Patriots are such a despicable succubus of a team. Apparently, you know how to mix words on the topic all poetic like.

Beep Tom Brady's such a dreamboat Beep
Note to Liz:

You went for a run and DIDN'T cause yourself immense physical harm? Well done! Is it because they actually shovel the sidewalks in your part of Boston?


Beep btw, I just tried to post a comment at BC Blog but I can't tell if it worked or not Beep

Monday, December 03, 2007

Note to all:

Less is apparently more.

Beep Beep.
Note to Brookline:

I'm new here, so I'd just like to know: do you actually have a law on the books that requires people to shovel their sidewalks after it snows? If so, does it apply to public places too - like the enormous park I need to walk by, or the train station on a hill?

Beep Just curious. Beep
Note to Sky:

I'm happy to report that, while I did go for a run in the SNOW!, I stopped when it got too icy and didn't hurt myself!

Beep I'm so proud of me! Beep
Note to Pammy:

I know we're twelve whole weeks in and all, but no one should be able to say that anyone " . . . leads the Giants in rushing with 602 yards despite missing the previous four games with ankle and groin injuries."

Beep all is not well in Mudsville Beep
Note to Pammy:

I'm sorry, you're wrong, there is no such thing as an end-around. They're all double-reverses.

Beep SNOW! Beep
Note to Brian:

Maybe if you offered them the extra $1.25, they'd be willing to reconsider.

Beep beep
Note to all:

Another good one.

Beep Are people really that narrow minded? Beep.

Sunday, December 02, 2007

Note to John Madden:

How would we ever have known what a force-out was if you weren't there to explain it? You mean to tell me its when a player is...forced out? Thank you, Captain Obvious.

Beep no one likes 3rd and long beep.
Note to NFL sportscasters:

Please, please, learn the difference between an end-around and a reverse. Seriously, guys.

Beep Hint: if in doubt, 90% of the time it's an end-around Beep
Note to :

What do you think the poster meant by "clothing optional atmosphere when circumstance and weather permit"? Do they only run around naked in the backyard? Not have heat in the winter? Only run around naked when single? So many questions!

Also, is this person one of my naked neighbors?

Beep telescope for Christmas? beep!
Note to Brian:

I was under the assumption that slavery was frowned upon in this country. Apparently I was incorrect.

Perhaps those two should work out a deal together.

Beep everybody wins! beep.
Note to all:

Quality craigslist ads:

Naturist.

Secretary in exchange for free housing (!?)

Beep Beep.
Note to KQ:

You are in NH - shoot the offending dogs/kids with one of yor guns!

Beep Beep.

Saturday, December 01, 2007

Note to some:

Raking leaves in a veritable hurricane is ill-advised. Quite ill-advised.

Also,

Note to the obnoxious lady down the street who lets her dogs poop in my yard:

STOP LETTING YOUR DOGS POOP IN MY YARD!

Beep and keep your delinquent offspring out of my pond too, you entitled bitch beep.
Note to my sinuses:

I hate you.

Beep beep.
Note to PPF:

This is NH. That is a very real possibility.

Beep beep.
Note to Mitt Romney:

Seriously? Just in case the entire state went mad?

"The campaign of former Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney, the Republican front-runner in the state, said it locked all of its New Hampshire field offices and ordered staff to be on alert."

Beep Beep

Friday, November 30, 2007

Note to Hillary Clinton:

We don't like you in New Hampshire.

Beep Live free or die mothafucka! Beep.
Note to Angels' GM:

Not only did you just get played, but even the guy you signed knows he took you to the cleaners. Have fun paying him $16 million per year for his age 37 and age 38 seasons.

Beep This almost makes Tom Hicks look like a savvy baseball owner... almost Beep

[Ed:Yes, I updated the punctuation. And before either LizMc or Jen called me out about it.]

Thursday, November 29, 2007

Note to my liver:

We are making a beer bottle Christmas tree this year. You have been warned.

Beep Beep.
Note to KQ:

I thought the idea was to create one of those using only beverages consumed on christmas eve?

Beep Beep.
Note to the Miller family:

Work on this before Christmas eve.


Beep and pour me another rockstar beverage Beep.
Note to Boston Hipsters Addendum:

Actually, please don't make out at all during my morning commute. Please.

Beep Beep
Note to Boston Hipsters:

Please do not wear a black hat, long black coat, and full beard on the T, or I will assume you are an Orthodox jew and be totally freaked out when you start making out with some blond girl next to me.

Beep Espcially coming from Brookline, this is a resonable assumption Beep

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Note to FHSIII:

Just as useless as regular Brian! Seriously, haven't they heard of wikipedia?

Beep When FCster moves to Boston, can I make him my personal martini making robot? Beep.
Note to Frazzled Holiday Shoppers (tm):

Ah, but do they have the Cleveland edition?

Beep Nevermind, I'll do it myself beep
Note to Future Parents:

If we're going to be combing catalogs found in the backs of seats, we might as well invest in our children's futures while we're at it.

Beep thank God there is a sport for middle-sized white boys Beep
Note to Frazzled Holiday Shoppers:


I do believe this would make the perfect gift for any of our nerdy friends. Including me. And Pam.


Beep R2, fix Brian a god damn martini Beep

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Note to some:

If I can find myself a new job as the quintessential man of inaction, anyone with half a pulse should be able to do the same. Get on it.

Beep Beep.

Monday, November 19, 2007

Note to Doug:

Sweet idea! Why don't you get on that and report back to me after the holiday.

Beep good talk, team! beep
Note to People Hoping A-Rod Ends up on the West Coast:

It seems like this is not quite a done deal yet -- it could still just turn out to be a negotiating tactic. Maybe hopefully.

Beep Liz, maybe you can get Scott Boras to be your agent and find you a new job Beep

Friday, November 16, 2007

Note to NY:

What the???

Beep Also, get me a new job, bitches! beep

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Note to not-yet-woman-of-action:

Fix FCsters fracking resume so that he doesn't end up there!

Beep Beep.
Note to job search supporters:

I've found the perfect hippie school -- Eagle Rock.

Beep Colorado Beep

Monday, November 12, 2007

Note to Guitar Heroes:

Did you guys sees last week's South Park episode?
I hope none of you have gotten into Heroin Hero...


Beep The Ultimate First Person Shooter Beep

Thursday, November 08, 2007

Note to all, especially Sky:

It has come to my attention that Gary Sheffield is black. I did not know this, but this is not my fault. His name is Gary friggin' Sheffield. I take no responsibility for my ignorance.


Beep Like I know Dwight Gooden's family tree Beep

Wednesday, November 07, 2007

Note to Sabres fans:

Look at that, without even winning a championship! Go you guys!

Beep aw, you guys are so cute! beep

Tuesday, November 06, 2007

Note to LL Fans:

Mediocre list, at best.

Beep 24 hours Beep
Note to youse guys:

I claim responsibility for this t-shirt being on this man:













Beep my old roommates were the coolest! beep
Note to Liz:

Wow! Naked Guy (tm) in your apartment building has an Expos hat? And a girlfriend? That's huge news. Mainly because it means my insta-retro strategy has once again been vindicated, but also because it sounds like you will soon be witness to free, live sex shows. Neat-o

B33p Nothing to see here, except for my awesome Expos hat B33p

Monday, November 05, 2007

Note to 90% of you:

Ladies and Gentlemen, I believe we've found our guidebook to the wedding.

Anyone up for a trip to Burgin?

Beep Bluegrass! Bourbon! Bluegrass!! Beep

Friday, November 02, 2007

Note to Adventure Choosers:

Put yourselves in A-Rod's shoes! So many decisions.

Beep Beep

Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Note to all:

In case you are curious, he nominally attended Florida. Also, as a Miami Dolphin, he is obviously bad at american soccer and therefore doesn't have a lot going for him.

Beep Beep.
Note to the good doctor:

Seriously? You root for these guys?

Crowder added: "I know (Washington Redskins linebacker) London Fletcher. We did a football camp together. So I know him.

"That's the closest thing I know to London. He's black, so I'm sure he's not from London. I'm sure that's a coincidental name."

Beep almost didn't post because yesterday, we hit 666 posts! Halloween beep!

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Note to the Red Sox Nation:

As a newly self-recognized BoSox fan, I realize it is sacrilege to advertise this, but it was just too impressive/funny to ignore.

Beep Brian, I will never speak poorly of the Brass Rail beep!
Note to all:

If the braintrust decides that the best use of their $30mil/year is to sign Mr. Rod, I would be OK with that. Perhaps one of you can show him a Boston area strip club with dancers who are actually attractive, though having scouted out the Brass Rail, he probably just has poor taste.

Beep Beep.

Monday, October 29, 2007

Note to A-Rod:

Boston doesn't want you. Please stay away.

Beep Beep

Sunday, October 28, 2007

Note to All:

Word on the street is that the Yankees were ready to offer this, and ARod still opted out. What the hell is this guys thinking? Seriously, if the Yanks aren't bidding up the price, I don't see him getting more that $25 million per.

Beep No Brian, I don't think the Sox will sign him because he wants too many years Beep

Thursday, October 25, 2007

Note to all:

Chuck Klein? Black.


Beep Ok, not really, but he did have a 176 OPS+ in '33, which is almost as good. Beep.
Note to the wimenz:

Sexy mustard!

beep beep
Note to Brookliners:

When dispatched to the scene of a turkey . . . You guys better watch out! Maybe sic your giant cat on them.

Beep I'm serious, it says that right in the article! beep!
Note to baseball fans:

This use of the K signs in the outfield at Fenway last night was brilliant.


B33p Did he really earn four backwards K's? B33p

Sunday, October 21, 2007

Note to Kentucky wedding crashers:


Beep ZZ! Beep
Note to all,

You heard it here first: The Ted Ginn Jr. era begins today!

Beep Throwing the SHOCKER to the cheatin' Pats beep!
Note to Excel Users:

Top 10 Excel Functions/Tips:
  1. pivot tables
  2. VLOOKUP()
  3. defining named dynamic ranges with OFFSET()
  4. MATCH() -- like HGH for VLOOKUP()
  5. autofilter
  6. create easy html tables with concatenation
  7. escape characters in text strings: ", '
  8. Solver (Beirut rankings!)
  9. TEXT()
  10. imbed flash games that are banned by internet filters
Beep Excel Rulz Beep

Saturday, October 20, 2007

Note to Dr. Nickio:

As a new baseball fan, you may not have realized that Mr. Drew was actually good before this year.

Beep Beep.

Thursday, October 18, 2007

Note to WD:

Was that blank space supposed to be a link? Because we've spoken about how to correctly do this before, Doug.


Beep Also, your grammar in that sentence was atrocious Beep

Note to WD:

Jigga say who the hell still says Jigga Wha?

Beep Probably should stop saying bling bling, too Beep
Note to Pam:

Wikipedia didn't have any guesses as to what V-Lookup was. So I pressed on, and returned to the mothership that is Google. Here, I think I found a possible grail of truth about your proposed costume:

It's a freaking spreadsheet term relating to searches?!?! Have you all gone daft on me?

Beep Please, say it aint' so. No for serious. Beep

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Note to WD

No, Douglas, it was not supposed to be a link. It was meant to be a Superman-type announcer voice. As for v-lookups, ask Sky about them, or I'll enlighten you at the wedding.

Beep Beep
Note to Pam:

What the eff are you talking about? V-Lookup Man? Jigga say WHA?

Beep Was that bolded word supposed to be a link - b/c we've spoken about about how to correctly do this before, Pam Beep
Note to nerds everywhere:

Once again, it's V-lookup Man to the rescue!

Beep Think I could make a Halloween costume out of this? Beep

Monday, October 15, 2007

Note to all haters:

I'm still holding out for a 10-6 season. Things will turn around this week.

Beep On a completely unrelated note, does anyone know where I might be able to find an NFL-caliber defense? beep!
Note to Miami Dolphin Fan:

Has the thought of a 0-16 record has started to creep into your mind?
At what point will it be legitimately terrifying?
I'll say week 9.

Beep Cleo Lemon saved my fantasy week though... Beep

Friday, October 12, 2007

Note to Mr. Teddy Ginn Jr.:

Where are you?

Beep Cleo Lemon or John Buck? Beep

Thursday, October 11, 2007

Note to New Yorkers:

And boy did they pick some fine specimens for the photo accompanying that article!

Beep Good Lord, there's a Saw IV??? beep!

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Note to Baseball Fans:

Interesting take on the Yankees current mentality, and what it does to the fan base from Page 2.

Beep Do we know if The Boss is even alive? Beep
Note to Horror Movie Fans:

Is it just me, or is using a famous quote from one of greatest military minds of the Rebel Alliance a really odd way to promote Saw IV?

Beep IT'S A TRAP! Beep

Tuesday, October 09, 2007

Note to all:

So, these awesome sneakers have been advertised on my blog the past few weeks. Should I buy a pair?



Beep Jen, I'll email you to spare the non-baseball fans Beep
Note to Sky:

So I hear you have some magic fielding stat you've taken a fancy to. You want to enlighten the rest of the world (that can't find it in your blog), or is that your ticket out of here?

Beep I'm not the kind of girl that falls for range factor Beep
Note to Kate:

No way that picture's of you -- the bottle's too full.

And since you're evidently showing up here now, I can post this here: John Kruk's stealing your catch phrase. Go get him.

Beep Still an excellent photo Beep

Monday, October 08, 2007

Note to Kate:

Jeez, even I know you're not supposed to write posts that long. And I was one place short of getting the style guide.

Beep There's no such rule about being self-righteous though Beep
Now, don't keel over. BUT, I'm back. Probably only for like, 1 post in the next 3 months. But I am still here, for now.

Wow, so there's been a lot going on since I last checked in. Congratulations, Doug-- you have slept with 75% of the girls on this blog. Before Jen joined in, you were only at 66%. Let's see how high you can go, shall we?

In other news:

1.) I am pleased that I made it on a poll (even though Federer is misspelled)

2.) I am glad that I am back on Pam's bookmarks

3.) Despite what rumors are out there, this picture is NOT of me.

http://cache.gawker.com/assets/resources/2007/10/DSCN6433.jpg

Heart hug,
Kate

Friday, October 05, 2007

Note to the foam hand crew:

The TBS announcers just called Casey Blake "Mr. Shocker." Best nickname ever?

Beep Is BonBon a Casey Blake fan? Beep

Monday, October 01, 2007

Note to Logged Hours:

You have just been re-promoted to near the top of my "Blogs" Bookmarks folder (under Beep Beep Blog Dot Blogspot Dot Com, of course). Welcome back! If you are good, I will add you to my RSS feed.

Note to Kate:

Planning on making a Beep Beep return? Also, what do you do at NewJob? I neglected to ask you that this weekend. I'm still not entirely clear what Jaime does either, despite the fact that we work for the same company.

Beep Beep

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Note to all:

Ha! Ha ha ha ha ha. Oh man.

Beep beep!
Note to WD:

How dare you try and supplant The Final Countdown in our hearts? How dare you?


Beep It's not really a song unless there's minimum eight versions of it Beep
Note to Football Fans:

This morning while getting ready for work I listened to the theme from Monday Night Football on repeat. Needless to say, I was pumped up as hell when I walked out door. The extended song is one minute and twenty-three seconds of pure genius. I highly recommend you download it.

Beep Dun-dun-dun-duhhhhh Beep
Note to all:


















More awesomely geeky humor is to be found here.

Beep Beep

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Note to WD:

A Shamus is a private dick. A Seamus is a gay Irish boy.

[Insert dick joke here]

Beep Beep
Note to Liz:

You'll have to give us a full report on San Francisco when you get back -- even if that's not really where you intended to go. Just more proof that life is an adventure, I guess.

Beep I wonder if Cason'll be out there that weekend, not that you and Shamus will need help causing trouble Beep
Note to Franklin:

Thanks for the hat!

Beep Go Giants! Beep

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Note to Tony LaRussa:
CC: You all

I, Frank Yoshida, will maintain a vegetarian diet and eat nothing that harms animals in any way, if you, a noted PETA member who has campaigned often for vegetarianism, agree to sign on to manage my beloved Seattle Mariners as rumored by Buster Olney for the past two days.

While, I understand that I shouldn't "expect" a championship if you sign, per se, I have seen what you have done in your previous two stops and would certainly have an expectation that you may reach similar heights again.

Thank you.


Beep Ichiro = Rickey, Adam Jones = Hendu, Beltre = Carney Lansford, Yuni = Walt Weiss Beep
Note to Rochester sports fans:

"At least the Bills are consistent."

Beep Lead sentence in a BM nugget. Beep

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Note to WD:

Since it's apparently beat-up-on-Doug day, I'll take this opportunity to chastize you for not hyperlinking that page. Since you've taken me to task for that in the past....

Beep Beep

Monday, September 17, 2007

Note to Doug:

Only since you brought it up and all, you could have Wikipedia'd Marc Ecko, and also that vote - or you could have clicked on the link at the bottom of the page *you linked to* which leads to a clip of him explaining that yes, it is for reals - on the Today show. For the record, Marc Ecko founded EckoRed clothing. He was profiled in the NY Times Magazine a couple of years ago. He's pretty famous. And easily Googled.

Beep coffee hadn't kicked in yet, eh hoser? beep
Note to all:

I have been properly chastised for not knowing who Strunk is/was. I apologize greatly for not being intimately familiar with this titan of stylistic content and guidelines. On the upside, at least I now understand Frank's beep beep. And it was actually funny!

Beep Yes, I know I should Wikipedia everything before asking questions just to be safe, but I forgot Beep
Note to Baseball fans (and pop culture followers):

Is this for reals? http://www.vote756.com/

Also, who is this Marc Ecko character?

Beep I voted to blast it into outer space Beep
Note to Frank:

Who the hell is "Strunk"?

B33p B33p

Friday, September 14, 2007

Note to Jen:

Depends on what's being exchanged.

Beep I almost went with "Depends on the fluctuations" but that seemed too cerebral for a Friday Beep
Note to humankind:

I am very sorry if Doug ends up buying and wearing a kilt.

Beep Frank's a smart'un! Perfect! Beep
Note to Strunk & Liz:

Happy?

Beep Beep
Note to the boys:

Liz makes a good point. If a poor danceur contacte has to go home with marks all over her ass, at the very least, make sure they're twoney shaped, you cheap bastards.

Beep What's the exchange rate on a lapdance, anyway? Beep

Thursday, September 13, 2007

Note to Frank:

Never did get that style guide, did you.

Beep beep
Note to Doug:

If you do load up on dollar coins from the Penn Station machines as advised, please remember to throw underhand while in the finer Toronto establishments. Nobody likes the feeling of metal being pegged at their bare ass, not even Canadian strippers.

Beep beep!
Note to Liz:

Oooo! A cookie. I like cookies...

Beep Stop getting distracted -- pay attention to my riveting and exceptionally important emails :P Beep

Baseball fever. Catch it.

(From yesterday's Nationals/Marlins game)



Beep Are you ready for some football!?!? Beep

Saturday, September 08, 2007

Note to Dr. Nick:

If the Dolphins offense has been replaced by kids in junior high, then things might finally be looking up for the Bills.

Beep Am I the only one who fully expected that to be a link to Teddy Ginn highlights? Beep

Friday, September 07, 2007

Note to football fans,

Here's a sneak preview of the Miami Dolphins' offense.

Beep Still lovin' the Statue of Liberty play! beep!

Thursday, September 06, 2007

Note to Sky:

Statistically, who wins in a name-off, Rocky Cherry or Coco Crisp?

Beep beep!
Note to most of you:

Attention fantasy sports nerds.

Beep Beep
Note to Frank:

Please share your thoughts on the new $399 8G iPhone pricing.

Beep Beep

Wednesday, September 05, 2007

Note to Matty Y:

Ummm... if you want to know what a GOOD football fight song sounds like, try listening to this.

Beep Although I must admit, "Miami has the Dolphins -- the greatest football team" is pretty catchy Beep
Note to all:

There are still Dolphins fans out there? In an unironic sense?

Beep Go Montreal Expos Beep
Note to all:

Get ready for football season mofo's!

Beep Am I the only one who's not stunned that Rodney Harrison is a cheating piece of shit? beep!

Monday, September 03, 2007

Note to D2:

I'm pretty sure we can all refute that last assertion. Also, it is 11 am, and I think I just drunk g-chatted Kat.

Beep beep!

Saturday, September 01, 2007

Note to all:

I'm at the beach in Ocean City, MD with the family. Dinner has just been cleared, and Nancy has declared that it is time for her and I to "do work." I'm pretty sure that she thinks we should get rowdy drunk. But there's only the two of us. This could get ugly...

Beep I'm not even sure if I know how to get rowdy drunk with only one other person Beep

Friday, August 31, 2007

Note especially to the old Fire Bob Matthews crew:

Has the torch been passed?

Beep beep!

Thursday, August 30, 2007

Note to sports fans:

Kalkman ≥ Elias

Beep beep!
Note to Pam:

What do you think the chances would be of us making it back to Somerville by 3 pm on Sunday? I refuse to miss three meetings of my writers' group in a row. I'm absolutely putting my foot down on this. And thinking Greyhound?

Beep nice use of extended media - Evite! beep!

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Note to Liz:

How do you feel about a possible NYC trip next weekend? Or now that our Boston friends are back, do we not need the New Yorkers?

(Side note to Doug: Sorry I missed your call - I'll give you a ring tomorrow from an airport. Which one? That will be the surprise.)

Beep Beep
Frank. Poll. Now.

Beep It's like a melon on a toothpick Beep
Note to all:

Ahhh, reunited and it feels so good!

Beep RSS, I've missed you so! beep
Note to Liz:

The RSS feed should be back up. Damn anonymity, let's get the Beep Beeps back flowing. BTW, has Frank made all of ONE post? It's like we re-invited Kate.

Beep Now Pam can see the beeps without entering her full gmail address -- our long national nightmare is over Beep

Sunday, August 26, 2007

Note to All:

The wedding in Philly was a rousing success, including the kick ass reception on an old school paddle boat cruising the Delaware River. I quickly made friends with the open bar bar wenches, who fed me a steady diet of double grey goose and tonics all night. (D1 would be proud.)

Unfortunately, we were unable to defy the odds and make it through the wedding without injury. As we were getting off the shuttle bus at the hotel after the reception, I was talking to Liz when I noticed that she was no longer behind me. As I turned around to see why she was held up, one of the girls shouted out "Oh no, Liz is down." At this point, I realized that I had lost Liz because she had taken a digger trying to get down the 4 steps from the shuttle (which was a trolley) and that she was sprawled out on said stairs carrying an arm-full of broken flowers.

Luckily, she was okay, and quickly bounced up. Damages included several scrapes and bruises, but nothing really too hurt and no scene caused by the fall. Overall, hell of a party.

Beep My dance moves either impressed or horrified Liz's friends... it's such a fine line Beep

Friday, August 24, 2007

Note to children of the 80s:

NBC's bringing back American Gladiators. Unfortunately, they plan on bringing a reality TV slant by following the personal lives of the gladiators and sharing the contestants' back stories.

Beep Will Skye be back? Beep
Notes to all and all again:

I am now the king of the fresh food bar at Weggies. Yes, I had to re-define a couple life goals to accept that.

I miss the feed. I don't mind refraining from posting nudie pictures of Doug and all last names/identifying information.

Jen, you get your style guide if you make the Dorthwoth playoffs.

Doug, guess I'm too late on football advice. If not, modifying rankings based on league rules is really important.

Doug and Liz, just don't BOTH die, deal?

Doug, I'm saving up my taunts in order to justify the kickass victory dance/feast/virginal sacrifice I have planned.

Pam, where are you going on your cat-getting honeymoon?

Beep Go Bills Beep

Thursday, August 23, 2007

Note to Doug:

I don't really care about the RSS feed, but I do hate having to log in so many times. Oh, and thanks for the blog check in. My cell phone number is 646-761-9122. =) But to answer your questions, Boston's ok, maybe I'll go to the beach this weekend, and although I never see Matt on weekdays, he actually gets both weekend days off on this rotation.

Oh, and we got two cats, and my conscience wouldn't let me send the following email, despite Liz's thumbs up:

TO: everyone

SUBJECT LINE: Big News!

BODY TEXT:


Matt and I just got.....




two cats.


Beep Beep

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Note to the PPF:

How are things going in Boston? Is work okay? Do you see much of Matt?

Beep Just wanted to check in on you Beep
Note to Sky:

Have you given up reading the Beep Beep? I know that Wegmans has killer hours, but show us a little love here! Oh, and while you're at it, would you please talk some shit to your brother in brother in our lovely NL-only league that you founded for (if memory serves) the express purpose of shit-talking?! I mean, you've been in first for weeks and all you can do is mekely taunt when taunted at. You're the commish. You're better than that.

Beep Oh yeah, Liz and Pam want the RSS feed back, so please weigh in Beep

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Note to Frank:

I can crush it.

Beep it is this big Beep
Note to Frank:

Uhhh... didn't you say something to the effect of "game on?" Was that just posturing? How much fun do I need to make of Seattle and its "super tiny space needle" to bait you into posting?

Beep And while you're at it make the next poll! =) Beep
Note to Sky:

Given the injury-racked summers that Liz and I have both had (see: broken hand, broken toe, numerous scars, etc.), what do you think the chances are of us surviving Saturday's boat-based wedding reception without at least one of us receiving a a major flesh wound or taking an unexpected dip in the river?

Beep I'm thinking no better than 50/50, but I figured I should defer to the stats guy Beep
Note to Doug:

I'm right here, you know. I can hear you.

Beep Finally starting to rethink that all-Bills drafting strategy, eh? Beep

Monday, August 20, 2007

Note to Sky and Matt Y:

My fantasy football draft is next Wednesday, and as per normal I am trying to skate through it without doing much of my own research or planning (aside from buying plenty of whiskey for the event). So -- any thoughts on sleepers I should look for and people that must be taken within teh first two rounds?

Beep Jen's in my league, so make sure she doesn't find out I asked you guys Beep
Note to Sky and Brian:

I agree with Liz and Pam, and am willing to declare this attempt at securing our identities and making sure that we are electable in our old age a failure. Frank and Jen don't yet have voting privileges, and Kate... well, you know... so anyhow, if you guys agree then we can bring sexy (our RSS feed) back. What do you want to do?

Beep This is the lamest beep beep thread ever, so lets finish this and move on to funnier things. Like the Seahawks chances of making the playoffs. Beep
Note to LizMc:

Agreed. My gmail name is way too long and I am lazy and hate signing in. While that doesn't stop me from posting occasionally, I suspect that some of the members of this blog are even lazier than I. Down with Doug! The revolution will not be blogged!

Beep Remember the Maine! Beep
Note to all:

I fear that the restriction of readers to the blog, and therefore the de facto dismantling of the feed system, has directly led to a dwindling number of posts and, worse still, rampant boredom within the ranks! I call for an overthrow of the WD Regime and a reinstatement of the feed! Long live the Beep Beep!

Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep!

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

Note To Frank:

I don't know about you, but I'm still waiting on my Beep Beep Style Guide to arrive. The only rule I've picked up so far is Kate=punchline.


Beep have I got the hang of this yet? Beep
Note to WD Pt. II:

Also, if you can't stop Matt from getting himself in trouble by emailing me from Montreal, how are you going to stop him from really screwing himself over if he's in Boston?

Beep good thing he likes sleeping on the couch Beep
Note to WD Partyplanner:


You'd regret taking him out in Beantown when the bars closed early and all the hookers said "wicked pissah".


Beep beep!
Note to Sky, Dr. Nick, and Brian McDial-Up-Internet,

Check your email, check your schedules, and let's plan a little ol' Brad Shattuck bachelor party...

Beep A return attack on Canada, or an invasion of Beantown?! YOU DECIDE... or something Beep

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Note to Liz:

Looks like you need to be wary of both cousins and wilderness shrubbery with thorns!

Beep The toe turning purple can't be a good sign! Beep

Monday, August 13, 2007

Note to M-stockers:

My cousin broke my toe the night before our cousin's wedding, which brings my summer party injury total to - what?

Beep Mountain Momma beep!

Sunday, August 12, 2007

Note to Liz:

Alou just went yard on Tom Glavine Day at Shea. Current score 3-1 Mets in the bottom of teh first.

Beep And then Castro came to the plate to the greatest "At Bat" music of all time -- the Star Wars Imperial March Beep
Note to Frank:

Wow. All it took was 6 months along with multiple invites and berating comments for you to join. =) Nice to have you along. You also recently joined my living room -- I framed and put up the picture of you, Liz, and I from the Seattle Underground last year. Good times.

Anyhow, as a primer to the site, the main things we have been Beep Beeping about lately have been Sky's search for a job and fulfillment in life, as well as Kate's general MIA-ness. Oh yeah, and the start of football season and life in Boston.

So welcome along. Now say something funny! DO IT, MONKEY! DANCE!!

Beep Lazy Sunday here in NYC, might have to watch the Chronic (what?) -cals of Narnia Beep

Friday, August 10, 2007

Note to all:

I'm here.
Game On.

Beep Frank Frank Frank Beep
Note to everyone:

How did I not realize the football preseason had started until I saw Indy / Dallas on the screen at a bar? How did Matt not realize he was months behind in buying and obsessing over his football magazines? I can only assume the perfidious influence of this town's Red Sox obsession has scrambled our brains.

Beep Eli Sucks! Beep
Note to Many:

I have a job. Wegmans' new hire orientation starts in an hour.

Beep Doug, write about baseball/football/hockey from a smart, emotional fan's perspective, but without numbers. Kate has no clue -- we'll hear about it when/if she remembers, though. Evidently you can vote in the poll multiple times if you log in on different computers. Beep

Thursday, August 09, 2007

Note to Matty Y:

The first TMQ of the season is up. Are you ready for some football? And while you're at it, I haven't been sleeping too well as of late. Any suggestions?

Beep Seriously, it's like my body only wants naps right now Beep
Note to Sky:

You think that Kate has any idea that she is a constant source of entertainment for our little posting group?

B33p No, I don't think she remembers she's on this either B33p

Monday, August 06, 2007

Note to Doug:

You should wax eloquent about this picture:That's gotta be worth at least 1,000 words of bad poetry.

Beep oh noetry! beep
Note to Creative Types:

So I've decided I want to start writing again (as if I don't do enough writing for work), and am looking for ideas about what I should write about. I've considered restarting FBM or getting back into writing poetry, though FBM by myself would probably get old quick and my poetry is sure to suck (at least at first) so I doubt I'd want to post it. Any suggestions?

Beep Yes, Matt, we all know you can't read or write unless medicine or football is involved Beep
N0te to All:

I love the poll. But I do miss the author list. Can't we somehow make them work together, here on the Internets?

Beep Can Frank really be more now if he can't be bothered to make 30 seconds posts a few times a week? Beep

Friday, August 03, 2007

Note to campers:

I'm likely headed up to my grandmother's camp in the Adirondacks next weekend. If anyone happens to be up for a drive, you're invited.

Beep I love 95 and humid Beep
Note to WD:

I believe "daring someone" was how I wound up having whipped cream licked off me by a very tall gay man.

Beep Sad you missed that one, Matty? Beep

P.S.: Sorry, very tall regular man

Thursday, August 02, 2007

Note to all:

There's a big wasp in my bedroom, and something in the extra room just moved. Hold me.

Beep where's my roommate?? beep!
Note to Liz:

Apparently all you need to do is dare the boys and you can get what you want. You know, assuming that's what you want.

Why people have sex- a totally legit NYTimes Article... no, seriously

Beep Males will occasionally have sex merely because the opportunity presents itself?! GASP! Beep
Dear food team:

I would like to propose that all bread products served at Millerstock 2k8 be infused with mapley goodness. I will even volunteer to stay sober enough to prevent self immolation during designated cooking times in order to help make this happen.

Beep beep!
Note to Doug:

There's someone named "Rubber Buns"? I guess I'm okay with that, as long as I'm still the only "Bubble Butt" in your life.

Beep my hips don't lie! beep!
Note to all:

What's an RSS feed, and can I put hot sauce on it?

Beep Matty hungry beep!

Wednesday, August 01, 2007

Note to Sky:

Why was your existence going unacknowledged? Was it due to some triangle defense faux-pas? The fact that your grasp on first is a tenuous 1/2 game over your brother? The result of a drive-by cone-ing?

Beep I really haven't done a drive-by cone-ing in a while... that could be fun Beep
Note to Doug:

Just trying to keep up on this riveting RSS feed saga. I can post more once I climb back off the edge of my seat.

Beep I suppose this means I have to start acknowledging Sky's existence again Beep
Note to Brian and Sky:

Making our beep beep actions readable only by authors and invited guests seems to have disabled the RSS feed. Which I guess makes sense. But my question is -- is this an acceptable trade-off? I kind of like my RSS feeds...

Beep Jen, you're making me look bad -- accept your invite and make a post already :) Beep

Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Note to Jen:

Nice to meet you, Miz Buns, if that *is* your real name.

Beep Who's coy? And what is this "sarcasm" I keep hearing about the kids using these days beep?
Note to Liz:

Not nice to be coy about new members of the Beep Beep. I mean, I know you don't remember much of Friday, but I don't believe for a second that you don't remember ALL of MillerStock. Plus she'll post more than Kate does...

Beep She was Brian's partner, ring a bell much Beep
Note to Sky and long-winded W2:

Re: No. 1, who is this "Jen" person?

Beep It didn't tell me what to do with them, Schooler beep!
Note to All:

Several things of interest on the Beep Beep blog front, all of which I'll take care of b/c Sky made me an admin sometime long long ago. And probably regrets it.

1. I am inviting one Jen Adams, a.k.a., Rubber Buns and Liquor, to join the Beep Beep blog. Most of you know her from her fine work in verbal and written sarcasm in New York City over the last year, or from her stellar performance at MillerStock 2k7: Los Dos Vomitos. If you want to check up on some of her previous work, she posts to her own snarky blog here, and to a hockey blog (yes, hockey) over here.

Sky pointed out that she doesn't know Frank and Matty, and might not know Pam and Liz that well despite the MillerStock action, but he didn't exercise veto power, so she's in.

2. To make Brian happy, I am switching access to this blog to authors and authorized personnel only. To get a lurker friend of yours added to the authorized list, just ask Sky or I.

3. I'm going to spearhead the Frank situation by re-inviting his ass and then sending him a snarky email and text message combination. If that doesn't get him moving, I will move on to voicemail taunting and text message bombing. Heh heh heh.

4. I'll try to post something ridiculously funny tonight. So funny it will make Matty snarf milk out of his tampon holder nose.

I think that's it. Now I am going to follow thru on the above action items and head home. Some of the Hello Kitchen people are headed to Luna Park for drinks and dinner. I hate that place, but I might join them anyways. Or maybe I'll do something totally cool I haven't even thought of yet...

Beep I know D. Nick hates long beep beep posts, but he can suck it Beep
Note to Liz:

Your guide to dating didn't tell you about hook-up privileges?

Beep I hope Nina's marriage goes to hell Beep
Note to Jen (et al):

I have hook up privileges? Why didn't anybody alert me to this sooner?

Beep Boston :( beep
Notes to Doug:

1) I don't see Jen on the list to the right.

2) As was discussed the last day of millerstock, I have not hooked up with any member of the McK___ family, or with Jen for that matter. FcSter is not likely to cut me off.

3) Therefore, that is an empty threat.

Beep Unrelated question: should we think about moving this to another platform? Beep.
Note to Jen:

Doug said he's going to revoke your hookup privileges if your fantasy baseball team continues to suck.

Beep I HATE how that threat totally only works in one direction. Damn you, women. Beep
Note to All:

I've been put on notice by Jen that unless we all want our hook-up privileges revoked immediately, that we need to stop talk about D & D and go back to being funny. I take this as a challenge and can't wait to bring the pain. As soon as I sober up from last night.


Beep Can somebody just email Frank and tell him to start Beep Beeping? Beep

Friday, July 27, 2007

Note to Sky:

I didn't email since I couldn't be sure that 2d6 wasn't for 3rd edition only, as my 1st and 2nd edition books burned in a fire.

Beep Beep.
Note to FireCrotchester:

It doesn't look like Frank has even activated his posting privileges. Unless, that is, he is posting under the name "Kate".

Beep beep!
Note to Geeks:

Brian wanted to point out that a 2-handed sword rolls 2d6, not 1d12. Sure, different audience, but that's got to gain him some ground on Pammy in the geek-off, no?

Beep What do you roll for a dagger? Beep
Note to those concerned:

I just applied to work part-time at basically all the Wegmans and Starbucks on the east side of Rochester. You don't need a crappy resume for those jobs!

Beep Yes, Doug had this idea months ago Beep

Thursday, July 26, 2007

Note to Frank:

Be funny. Now. We can revoke your posting privileges.

Beep Yes, that's a threat Beep

Monday, July 23, 2007

Note to All:

Meat withdrawal sucks.

Beep Beep.

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Note to sports fans:

From Bill Simmons' chat today...

AK (Chicago): Who's more NOW, You or Ronald Jenkees?

Bill Simmons: I'd say Jenkees. Also, I called Time Warner to ask them for the ESPN package that didn't involve "Who's more now?" and they said it doesn't exist. So I think we're stuck with it.

If Frank were an official Beep Beeper, he'd so agree this was hilarious.

Beep Does Kate think it's funny? Beep

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

Note to Pam:

Wow, good catch. I always sucked at proofreading;)

Note to All:

I vote that Frank's application only be considered if he applies in person in Cherry Creek.

Beep Beep.

Monday, July 09, 2007

Note to dictator-for-life Brian:

Surely you mean "...entirely composed of quiet cars and bar cars?"

Beep Choo Choo? Beep
Note to all:

When I become dictator for life, all the highway money is going to build actual superfast trains entirely composed of quiet cars. Municipal wifi will be extended, even to the leafy suburbs of the Roc.

Beep Beep

Thursday, July 05, 2007

Note to all:

Ow.

Beep I'm finally back at work! beep

Monday, July 02, 2007

Note to Bostonites:

Sky and Brian have successfully drank there way through two days in NYC, including playing wiffle ball yesterday afternoon, drinking dark beer with Nathan on Saturday afternoon, and even finding some time for rooftop cups and late night guitar hero. They are now en route to Boston, and are all yours for a few days.

B33p B33p

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Note to Brian:

Depends where you want to work. Brigham & Women's? Brookline, Brighton, or maybe even Allston. Cambridge near MIT? Kendall, maybe Central if you can find an ok place. Harvard? Harvard Sq., Porter, Inman, Union, Davis. Same answers for Tufts. It seems like a lot of private research can be found in Cambridge, too. But you don't want to take a job in the Longwood area and find a place in Somerville. Not that the commute's all that bad - it certainly doesn't stop yours truly from hanging out with Miss Piccola-Fales and the good doctor - but it's not something you'll want to be doing during rush hour.

Although Pammy could probably give you a better idea as to the bus service.

Beep beep!

Monday, June 25, 2007

Note to some:

So, what areas of Boston should I be looking in?

Beep Beep.

Sunday, June 24, 2007

Note to Brian 2.0:

Holy shit man. Brian 2.0 is clearly a very restrained and magnanimous young man, or my guess is that crazy downstairs neighbor man would be in a shallow grave by now.

But yes, Boston would be an excellent destination.

Beep Beep

Saturday, June 23, 2007

Note to Brian:

Oh, dear lord. Are you okay?


You should clearly come to Boston. Specifically, Davis or Porter Squares.

But seriously - are you alright?

Beep Jesus H! beep!
Note to all:

Check out the pictures!

Beep Beep.

Friday, June 22, 2007

Note to all:


New Brian is gone. Brian 2.0 will be moving (1); where should he move?

(1)Because crazy downstairs neighbor guy set the house on fire. Yes, really.

Beep Beep.

Thursday, June 21, 2007

Note to W:

That is a fine plan.

Perhaps Mr. Crotchester would care to share his thoughts?

Beep I could try calling, but we all know how that would go ;) Beep.
Note to Brian and Sky:

Our latest groom-to-be, Bradford "Q-Tip" Shattuck, has expressed interest in coming to NYC the weekend of June 30/July 1st if you two will be here. Is it just me, or does this sound like the start of a great plan?

Beep And by "great plan" I mean "at least one of us will end up in jail" Beep

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Note to Matty Y and Brian:

I had an ENT appointment today with a doc who (gasp) actually seems (a) competent, (b) willing to explain things, and (c) not senile. I am pretty excited about tackling my tinnitus and the possibly-related sinus swelling, and so it she. And, although it was not mentioned in today's planning session, I feel like there is a real possibility of me getting the Dr. Nick-desired sinus scan in the very near future.

Beep When she saw the amount of swelling in my right nostril, I am pretty sure she swore Beep

Monday, June 18, 2007

Notes to W:

Will there be drinking?

Can I coax Sky out of his cave for yet another ipod jack & EZpass less roadtrip?

Beep Beep.
Note to Dr. Nick:

Last night, I was involved (along with one other person) in consuming 15 guinesses, 4 bushmills on the rocks, a plate of nachos, and a round of maker's mark. In your medical opinion, was this a good plan for a Sunday night?

Beep For those scoring at home, that's an eqA of drunk Beep
Note to Brian (and anyone else):

Not sure what your plans are for Fourth of July, but if you want to blow a few vacation days and spend some time in NYC, we'd love to see you.

Beep Beep
Note to all:

I need at least a week off. Where(1)(2) should I go?

(1) I've been too lazy to sign up for a passport, so US only.

(2)Not to rhyme with killerflock.


Beep Beep.
Note to Sky:

Any chance you are interested in a repeat performance of drumming angry at MillerStock 2k7??

Beep A little over a month away Beep

Thursday, June 14, 2007

Note to Matty Y:

Here's an excerpt from a dining article in yesterdaty's NY Times.

"Even though the order I overheard most often from neighboring tables was sesame chicken with brown rice (one of 30 mostly ho-hum lunch specials at $6.50 or less), the kitchen doesn’t go gringo on dishes that should be truly, terrifyingly spicy. Egg the cooks on at your tongue’s peril.

Of the dishes that will get you sweating like you’re in a sauna, the best is sliced fish with spicy sauce soup, nearly the most expensive thing on the menu at $16.95. It comes in a broad bowl capped with few handfuls of those little red Sichuan peppers atop a layer of spice-infused oil two fingers deep. (Fat is not a four-letter word in Sichuan.)"

Sounds like a place you might like to check out with the Pam.

Beep Oh, it burns! Beep

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Note to Beep Beepers:

Post something new. I'm bored.

Here, enjoy. And if you haven't seen the original, do so.

Beep Beep
Note from Downstairs woman:

"No Brian, today is Thursday, both here and in Iraq."

Off her meds, or on drugs drugs?

Beep Beep.

Friday, June 08, 2007

Note to B.B.,

A "fatigued right groin" is what often happens when you're too old to be doing something that you're trying to do.

Speaking of too old, happy birthday!

Beep beep!

Monday, June 04, 2007

Notes to Dr. Nick:

1) As a trained medical professional: Does a "fatigued right groin" count as "arm falling off?"

2)Happy early birthday.

Beep Beep.

Saturday, June 02, 2007

Note to Matt:

Because in French, one egg is an oeuf.

Beep Works much better orally Beep

Friday, June 01, 2007

Note to Dougie (and Sky-ie):

I think I may just write that off as a lost cause. I don't even remember my Yahoo password at this point.

Beep other things to dobeep!

Thursday, May 31, 2007

Note to Liz:

Your fantasy baseball team is languishing in late place, and has three players on the DL (including one starter). Now might be a good time to go in and adjust your roster for next week if you so desire. I mean, things may look bleak, but I bet you can still beat out Frank...

Beep I need some new outfielders Beep

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Note to Sky:

Sally Pinkas is a pianist. She has performed at least once a week since my freshman year. She lives in a cage in the Hop basement and they only let her out for concerts. And yet, I've never heard her.

Beep I mean, I've heard her pleas for freedom, but I've never heard her play piano Beep

Monday, May 28, 2007

Note to Dartmouth kids:

Questions prompted by a visit to the Dartmouth home page today:

Who is Sally Pinkas?
For how long and how frequently has she performed?
Did any of you ever go to one of her piano concerts?

Beep mmm, white hots Beep

Friday, May 25, 2007

Note to Schuyler:

You post, therefore you are alive. Call the grillmaster back.

Beep Beep

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Note to fashion mavens and drink-box afficionados:

Are capri pants related to the Capri-Sun drink?

Beep I like Capri-Sun Beep

Monday, May 21, 2007

Note to myself:

Follow up point: How the fuck did trained baseball writing professionals get to the point where a phonetic spelling of someone's actual name was acceptable as a nickname?


Choo Choo.
Note to all:

Even though I am rooting for Dusty Baker to take over, I don't understand the FireJoeTorredotblogspotdotcom mentality. Will getting rid of him turn pray for rain, pray for rain, and pray for rain into Walter Johnson, Sandy Koufax, and mid 90s Pedro?

Beep Beep.

Sunday, May 20, 2007

Note to Table 10 (well, probably not the MVPs):

Word on the street is that Janel's having a sex toy party in a couple weeks.

Beep Also, on an extreme tangent, Michael Capone's mug was on the TV for a student-of-the-week type of thing -- evidently he dominates the viola Beep

Friday, May 18, 2007

Note to Doug:

Clearly, it's "Wang, Pettitte, Rocket's going to show up whenever he damn well feels like itte."

Beep Fort Myers Miracle? That's the BoSox affiliate, right? beep!
Note to all:

Doug said "petite wang". Heh heh! Who has a petite wang, Doug?

Beep beep
Note to Sky, Brian, Liz, and Kate:

Here's the way the rotations are lined up for this weekend's Subway Series:

Friday: Andy Pettitte vs. Oliver Perez
Saturday: Darrell Rasner vs. Tom Glavine
Sunday (ESPN's 8pm Game): Tyler Clippard vs. John Maine

Is the Yankees rotation now officially "Petite, Wang, and Pray for a Hurricane?" (Yes, I know that rhyme is a little rough -- work with me here.)

Beep I was just kidding about the "Kate" part. She totally hasn't read this blog in months Beep

Thursday, May 17, 2007

Note to Schwee that I meant to do yesterday:

You know that this thing is on the internet and anyone or google robots can read it, right?

Beep Beep.
Note to baseball fans:

I'm not saying that it's Scrubby McBack-up day at Shea, but here's today's starting line-up for Mets:

Chavez CF
Gotay SS
Green RF
Delgado 1B
Franco 3B
Newhan 2B
Castro C
Gomez LF
Vargas SP

Beep Franco is seriously playing third base? Beep

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Note to Brian:

No, no distinct coffee taste, but still extremely tasty.

By the way, casual-sex-but-not-dateable Amy claims you and/or Dr. Nick implied she could take the food...

Oh, and my forks just walked in the door.

Beep Burgers are finally gone Beep
Note to Sky:

Did it still not taste like coffee, even a little bit?

Also, aren't your forks with the cheese?

Beep Beep.
Note to meat lovers:

That chuck roast "steak" turned out quite well, fyi. It cut with a fork for dinner last night. Well, done Brian, and whoever picked out that fine fresh beef.

Beep I still don't have my cheese back Beep

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Note to Brian:

For once I am not feeling lazy...


Beep Down is good for Sox Beep
Note to W:

Don't make me pull out the 2004 Red Sox/Yankees win probability graph.

Beep Mostly, because I am too lazy to do so. Beep
Note to Western New York Sports Fans:

Thank god the Knighthawks came through last weekend, because the Sabres are breaking my spirit right now. Seriously.

Beep Did they not get the memo about the power play being important? Beep

Monday, May 14, 2007

Note to Road Warriors:

Casualties of the weekend include:
Vicki's wallet,
My sense of balance,
Brian's electricity (and rapport with his neighbors),
Sky's anonymity in his own building,
The arms I chose not to protect with sunblock, but chose as the perfect option for the wiping of my sunblock-covered hands,
Three garbage plates,
and My Left Blinker.

Beep good job!beep
Note to many:

When schuey and I were surveying the meat situation, we found a chuck roast labeled as "fresh beef." Did one of the neighbors sneak in and switch it with the steaks?

Beep 6:30ish Beep.

Friday, May 11, 2007

Note to roadtrippers:

I *may* have broken my toe this morning. Dr. Nick says he'll heal me when he gets home, but how much trust do we all have in that? Anyway, I just wanted to let you know this will not stop me from:
  • Admiring the lilacs
  • Drinking beer (I'll just need more of it)
  • Watching the Redwings game
  • etc. etc

...but I may just do these things with a limp. Also, wherever we watch the ballgame, i request that we have in-shell peanuts so Sky and I can continue our intrepid inquiries into whether all the salty goodness is on the outside of the shell or if somehow some of it permeates the inner nut itself.

Beep Ow. Beep