Friday, December 29, 2006

Note to Pam: That video was, in fact, awesome.

Note to Brian: Do you think there is any chance they really did that all in one shot? I didn't see any obvious edits or cuts.

Note to Sky: Continue sucking it. I have your orange cone. HA HA HA!!

Beep That's a Lot of Notes B33P
Note to all:

I thought this was awesome. I also have a LOT of time on my hands today, so please entertain me.

Crazy Treadmills Video

Beep Beep


Note to all: Edited by Doug to make the link to the video work. Beep Take 2? Beep

Wednesday, December 27, 2006

Note to All:

This weekend saw the successful execution of a daring Orange Cone heist. Whilst Sky was back in his old apartment gathering a few things, the Miller Family Van pulled up to the corner of East Ave and Park Ave in Rochester, and I silently slipped out of the front seat. Under the cover of broad daylight, I then jogged up to Sky's front door and clandestinely removed the gigantic orange cone that had been placed there on an earlier family raid. As I ran back to the car, the get away driver opened the sliding side door via remote. After securing the cargo in the back seat, the van easily turned onto East Ave, and headed towards home base. Not 15 minutes later, Sky Kalkman, aka Mr. I-Should-Have-Moved-The-Cone-Sooner, texted me that he had discovered the disappearance of the cone. But it was too late for him.

My only question is... Why wasn't Sky at work at 3pm on a Tuesday?!

Beep Eat It, Trabek! Beep

Saturday, December 23, 2006

Note to W and Kate:

Guess that means I'm coming to NY on New Years. See you then.

Beep Beep.

Friday, December 22, 2006

Note to all:

The party is in Boston this New Year's Eve. Where precisely still TBD, but definitely in this general area.
Sky, this means you.

Beep Beep
Note to all:

Don't Bentley's come with chauffeurs included?

Beep Beep.

Thursday, December 21, 2006

Note to Dr. Shred:

You were right, that was awesome. It makes me want to piss off my downstairs neighbors some more.

Beep \m/ Beep.
Note to all Heroes,

If you love shredding, then you absolutely must see "The Colbert Report" from last night. It will be replayed several times today, and there is no excuse to miss it. For the love of guitar heroes everywhere!

Beep He turned it up to 11 beep!

Monday, December 18, 2006

Note to Matty Y:

A 0.0 QB rating is not going to get the job done when the Buffalo Bills circle the wagons in December. Even if it is 54 degrees instead of 34 degrees.

Beep What do you think Culpepper's rating would've been, -17.9? B33p
Note to Sky:

Could you recheck the calculations to make sure that Joey Harrington's QB rating wasn't actually negative yesterday?

Beep No, I don't like football, I'm just an asshole. Beep.

Friday, December 15, 2006

Note to Dolphins Fans:

Suck it!

Beep You're lukcy Pammy doesn't have your hospital pager number... otherwise it would have told you about how awesome the Bills are Beep
Note to all heroes:

Observe the consequences of rocking out just a wee bit too hard.

Beep Sky's a pansy beep.

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Note to Guitar Hero Fans:

Guitar Hero and the Great American Weigh-in are once again welcome at the Miller homestead on Christmas Eve. Ditch your families and come enjoy laugher, pies, and sweet Canadian lager with your old friends at 187 Hillrise Drive.

B33p B33p

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Note to Schwee:

What are the popular ps2 games at work?

Beep Beep.

Monday, December 11, 2006

Note to all:

I hate when balls inflict injuries.

http://sports.espn.go.com/nba/news/story?id=2694335
Beep beep

Note: Beep Beep post Edited by Doug to make the link to the story work. Beep Beep.

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Note to Canadian Women:

Prepare yourselves for some swooning -- I got myself a took.


B33P Why yes, I DO like Molson Export B33P
Note to Sky and Liz:

As predicted, Isiah the GM is becoming a liability to Isiah the coach. Why? Isaiah the coach needs to buck it up and start David Lee (among others) while benching/trading either Starburry or Steve Francis. Unfortunately, Isiah the GM traded for both Marbury and Stevie Franchise and wants to start them both. Oh yeah, Isiah the GM also doesn't think white people can actually play basketball. I mean, David Lee played 40 minutes the other night, shot 9 of 10 from the floor and had 11 boards and 2 blocks. Clearly he needs to be benched immediately.

Beep Can Golissano buy the Knicks and move them to Buffalo? Beep

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

Note to the math people (or, everyone but me):

Have you guys seen this method before? I think it's really cool. Therefore, I am a nerd.

http://www.glumbert.com/media/multiply

Beep beep
Note to all, esp Doug:

It is my understanding (and correct me if I'm wrong) that Beep Beep Blog Dot Blogspot Dot Com ® should be used for relatively brief posts. If one has an amusing story to post, I suggest posting the link to said story-- otherwise you just use up all of the memory on Sky's beep beep recording machine. That being said, your chili parable was quite amusing and made me very hungry.

Beep Why was the Canadian supposedly asking for directions to the Coors Light truck? Canucks should be drinking Labatt's or Molson only... just ask Sky. beep!

Monday, December 04, 2006

Note to all:

I officially want a Nintendo Wii!

Beep Belize is awesome! beep!
Note to Brian:

No real psychos, just some crazed law students at trivia night. Who can name the high schools from Gilmore Girls and Veronica Mars? That's right! In Mass., I'm a pop culture junkie!

Beep snow! beep

Friday, December 01, 2006

Note to Liz:

Did you meet any psychos at the bar last night?

Sky says that the entire city is full of them.

Beep Beep.
Note to Sky:

My point was that verbing nouns and using the specific for the general is stupid.

I in no way support the use of Outlook or Outlook Express, and perhaps could have come up with a different example.

Beep Beep.

Thursday, November 30, 2006

Note to Brian:

Apples and oranges, my friend. Are you really comparing Microsoft to Dartmouth?

Beep You're the only one that beep-beeps without a Mac, I believe Beep
Note to "Blitz" users:

Be honest, if someone said "I'll Outlook you when I get back to the office," you'd slap them, right?

Beep damn double standards! Beep.
Note to Doug:

If Pam is passed out, it will have had nothing to do with sabermetrics and everything to do with whatever it is that they serve down in Belize. Speaking of, it's about time I find out what bars are within walking distance of my house . . .

Beep I know what I'm doing tonight! beep
Note to all, especially Matt Y:

I read this yesterday in a kickball message boards forum. Yes they exist. Yes I am register to post to them. Stop laughing, Pam. Anyhow, it's the funniest thing I have read in a while. Please enjoy. Warning: May cause you to laugh out loud at work.

The Scene: A Texas Chilli Contest
The Premise: Judge 3 is a visiting Canadian pushed into emergency service judging the chili contest. Each judge writes their comments on note cards as they progress through the chili.
Judge 3's Initial Thoughts: Recently, I was honoured to be selected as a judge at a chilli cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking for directions to the Coors Light truck, when the call came in. I was assured by the other two judges (Native Texans) that the chilli wouldn't be all that spicy and, besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted. Here are the scorecards from the event:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Chilli 1 Mike's Maniac Mobster Monster Chilli
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Judge 1 -- A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.

Judge 2 -- Nice, smooth tomato flavour. Very mild.

Judge 3 -- (Frank) Holy shit, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These Texans are crazy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Chilli 2 Arthur's Afterburner Chilli
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Judge 1 -- Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang.

Judge 2 -- Exciting BBQ flavour, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.

Judge 3 -- Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Chilli 3 Fred's Famous Burn Down the Barn Chilli
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Judge 1 -- Excellent firehouse chilli. Great kick. Needs more beans.

Judge 2 -- A beanless chilli, a bit salty, good use of peppers.

Judge 3 -- Call the EPA. I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting shit-faced from all of the beer.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Chilli 4 Bubba's Black Magic
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Judge 1 -- Black bean chilli with almost no spice. Disappointing.

Judge 2 -- Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chilli.

Judge 3 -- I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out tastebuds? Sally, the barmaid, was standing behind me with fresh refills. That 300-lb. bitch is starting to look HOT...just like this is nuclear waste I'm eating! Is chilli an aphrodisiac?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Chilli 5 Linda's Legal Lip Remover
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Judge 1 -- Meaty, strong chilli. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive.

Judge 2 -- Chilli using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.

Judge 3 -- My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chilli had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my lips off. It really pisses me off that the other judges asked me to! stop screaming. Screw those rednecks.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Chilli 6 Vera's Very Vegetarian Variety
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Judge 1 -- Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chilli. Good balance of spices and peppers.

Judge 2 -- The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic. Superb.

Judge 3 -- My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulphuric flames. I shit myself when I farted and I'm worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that slut Sally. She must be kinkier than I thought. Can't feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my ass with a snow cone.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Chilli 7 Susan's Screaming Sensation Chilli
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Judge 1 -- A mediocre chilli with too much reliance on canned peppers.

Judge 2 -- Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chilli peppers at the last moment. **I should take note that I am worried about Judge 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably.

Judge 3 -- You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chilli which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava like shit to match my shirt. At least during the autopsy, they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing, it's too painful. Screw it; I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Chilli 8 Tommy's Toe-Nail Curling Chilli
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Judge 1 -- The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chilli. Not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.

Judge 2 -- This final entry is a good, balance chilli. Neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge 3 farted, passed out, fell over and pulled the chilli pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor fella, wonder how he'd have reacted to really hot chilli!


Beep Beep
Note to Brian:

Thanks for the EqA info. Sky also dropped me a "blitz" about the subject. And by blitz, I mean email. Because that's what normal people call electronic messages -- email. Anyhow, you are wrong about this. I don't claim that I don't understand the IMPORTANCE of more agressive statistical analysis, I just claim that I don't understand the statistics themselves. I mean, Sky has tried to explain VORP to me like half a dozen times. And I understand that having a high Value Over Replacement Player is good, I just don't get where the VORP numbers derive from. But whatever. At least I know the eight ways to get on first (from the batters box) without a hit.

B33P This post probably just made Pam pass out at her desk and start drooling B33P

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Note to Doug:

EqA accounts for all offensive value, including baserunning. It's meant for people like you that complain about not understanding the value of "non-traditional" statistics, since .260 is set at league average, putting it in a similar numeric range as batting average.

Beep Believe it or not, I am not actually a substitute for google. Beep.
Note to Sky and Brian:

What the hell is EQa? And why are the Fire Joe Morgan guys all about it in the Morneau vs. Jeter debate? And why are people suddenly under-valuing OPS? Is it just because it's too "mainstream" now, and baseball bloggers want to be "cutting edge" and "hip" and "smarter than me"?!

Beep I miss avg. as an MVP stat Beep

Sunday, November 26, 2006

Note to Matt and Sky:

The downstairs neighbors started playing some fairly loud classic rock (I'm sailing away) at ~7:30 AM on Saturday.

Coincidence or measured response to Freebird at 1:30 AM?

Beep Perhaps I can use this arms race as a flimsy excuse to buy some new stereo gear? Beep.
Note to Heroes everywhere:

Freebird!

Beep As good as the first Beep

Thursday, November 23, 2006

Note to Liz:

Huh?

Beep Beep

Monday, November 20, 2006

Note to, um, whomever cares:

He's 40 years old. 7.5 million?

Beep beep!
Note to Doug:

I thought you only held it last year to harass Janel. Since when has it become an annual event?

Beep Beep.
Note to all:

In a sad turn of events for fans of the Great American Weigh-in (and, frankly, who isn't a fan), the Miller Family Thanksgiving 2006 has been scheduled for the Washington, D.C. area. That's right, for the first time in several years, I will not be home for theis greatest of American holidays. I was gonna tell my mom that I was coming home anyways, and that the rest of the family could go to D.C. without me, but Nancy (the sister) made it clear to me that she wouldn't let me get away with a stunt like that. So I relented.

Anyhow, the Great American Weigh-in can luckily be held Christmas Weekend, when I will, in fact, be back in the grand ole' Rochester. Perhaps we will also have Matt and Pam as well that weekend? Maybe sort of? Regardless, you are all welcome at 187 Hillrise on Christmas Eve for the Weigh-in, some Guitar Hero 2, and harassing my folks' dog.

Beep Beep

Sunday, November 19, 2006

Note to all:

If the neighbors complain about the noise, just keep turning it up until they move away.

Beep Beep.
Note to the Sports Guy:

Way to give L-squared some "dap" in your mailbag.

http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=simmons/061117

Beep I'd go ass-sliding with her any day beep!
Note to fans of the FC:

Just realized that my FireBobMatthews-inspired pseudonym is also appearing on the family Christmas list blog we started last year. Really looking forward to being asked by my aunts about "FireCrotchester".

Beep Great American Weigh-in on Wednesday or Thursday? Beep

Thursday, November 16, 2006

Hi kiddies,

Long time no beep. Congrats on the new job, Pam. Wearing jeans to work is awesome, as are health benefits.

I withhold comments on Boston. Square footage is great, but you recent transplants know you miss New York. And we're keeping Doug, and stealing the Grillmaster. The battle has begun. Bring it on.

For those of you who don't know, I am having a New Year's Eve party at my apartment. Going to bars and spending $150 sucks. You should all come. Trip fun! Hooray.

BEEP Loving the fact that I have little to do at work for the first time since I started over 2 months ago BEEP!
Note to Brian, Sky, Doug and Matt:

Is Fire Bob Matthews on permanent hiatus?

Beep Beep
Note to remaining holdouts,

Mwahahahahaha. We stole Sky.
Douglas, you're next. Or will it be Brian?

Beep Beantown has mystical powers Beep

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Note to Brian,

i.e. dress code even below "business casual."

Beep t-shirts! Beep
Notes to Pam:

1)Congrats.

2)Jeans-wearing?

Beep Beep.

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Note to Everyone:

Most of you already know this (i.e. everyone but Kate and Brian, I think) - but I have a new job! I will be leaving the land of Bratwurst and Beer (and also Bureacracy) for a marketing consulting job that:
  • Is in downtown Boston
  • Believes in actually measuring results
  • Gives me health benefits
  • And is apparently filled with other young, jeans-wearing people.

Beep Yay! Beep

Monday, November 13, 2006

Note to concerned friends,

Have I really been THAT out of it recently? Can we credit a couple of those extraneous summer trips to NYC as a November trip?

Potential new company asked for my references today and they're making a decision by mid-week. Boston-living's looking more and more likely...

Beep Say hi to Kate Nash for me Beep
Note to Bostonites:

Great to see you all over the weekend! Good times were had, beers were enjoyed, and apartment envy has taken hold! I hope to see you all again soon, and maybe even we'll be able to figure out where in the world Sky has gotten too.

Beep I Want More Square Footage! Beep

Sunday, November 12, 2006

Note to Sky:

Life for musicians is tough, but for drummers it's nearly impossible.

Beep Beep.

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

Note to non-native New Yorkers:

I may be in Boston, but I will still never eat Domino's pizza, no matter what borough they claim to emulate. This is good for a laugh though: http://www.nytimes.com/2006/11/08/dining/08domino.html?_r=1&oref=slogin

Beep that's everyone by me and Liz, upstaters Beep

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

Note to Pam:

Whacking was ok'd in one of those unwritten commandments. You know, for the good of the family. Moses swore he saw God wink on the mount.

Beep my constitutional rights have been violated! beep

Monday, November 06, 2006

Note to Liz:

You're right - it just doesn't make sense. I've got to imagine that mob guys vote Republican -- I mean, they're good Catholics, when they're not whacking somebody.

Beep Beep
Note to, well, me since none of the rest of you were ever Jersey residents (or so you say):

NJ has conspired to keep me, a registered Democrat, from voting by refusing to send me ("misdirecting") an absentee ballot. If Menendez were really in bed with the Hudson County mob political machine, don't you think he would have had this corrected? Or at least had a few thumbs broken?

Beep beep!

Monday, October 30, 2006

Note to those of you that remain NYS residents:

Over the weekend, a Hillary sign was placed in my lawn; should I make it disappear?

I'm voting for Howie Hawkins. There is any interesting line on his vote-smart bio: Attended, Dartmouth College, 1971-1977. I guess that means he got tossed out for starting a fight at homecoming, smoking too much weed, or bludgeoning someone with a paddle. Any thoughts?

Beep Actually, wikipedia says that he couldn't afford the six zillion dollars it costs to go there, but it is more fun to make stuff up. Beep.

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

Note to Doug:

I thought you had to swing the Emily & A-Rod for Nancy, Anibal Sanchez, and Cla Meredith trade first.

Beep Beep.
Note to Brian:

Matt and Pam are gone. Sky is trying to go. Liz leaves next week. Will you and I soon be forced to follow the Beep Beep trend to Boston?

B33P The Monster Seats are Pretty Nice B33P

Friday, October 20, 2006

Not to all:

There is a 95% chance I'll show up in Boston right after Sky leaves town.

Beep coincidence? beep!

Thursday, October 19, 2006

Note to travel forecasters:

90% chance I'll be in Boston this weekend through Monday.

50% chance I'll be there next weekend, too.

Who's with me?

Beep NYC apologists, I'm looking through jobs there, too Beep
Note to Willie Randolph:

Wouldn't Darren (Yes I'm Black, 4.23 xFIP) Oliver, or Aaron (No I haven't started a game all season, 4.21 xFIP) Heilman be better choices for must win game seven than Oliver (I'm bad at pitching, 4.65 xFIP) Perez?

Beep This post made more sense before I actually looked it up and saw that Perez was pretty unlucky this year. However, I am dedicated, so I will attempt to make fun of Willie Randolph whenever possible. Beep.
Note to Sky:

Not enough information.

Beep Beep.

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

Note to Pammy:

Game on.

Beep don't hurt me Beep.

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Note to Doug:

Was it supposed to be Glavine then pray for rain, or pray for rain then Glavine?

Beep Just wanted to make sure I had my blood sacrifice correct. Beep.

Saturday, October 14, 2006

Note to Brian and Sky:

I don't know how many Skys are girls, but I know one male Sky (real name: Schuyler) and one female Sky (real name: Sky; her dad is a pilot). Anyhow, the point is that people who know that male Sky are really surprised that it could be used as a girl's name, and vice versa. Basically people have a hard time thinking outside the box.

Beep I also know a Lake named Schuyer Beep
Note to the Mets:

Perhaps pitching Guiermo Moto in 5 post-season games in a row was not the best plan. Why? Well, he was cast out of the Indians organization for being inept. Secondly, and more importantly, his name sounds like a motorola commerical. Think about it.

B33p Trachsel's pitching tonight, might need to drink heavily Beep
Note to all:

Crisp autumn weather is the perfect time to break out Makers Mark with hot tea and honey. And yes, I realize that if i just add lemon I'd have a hot toddie. But I didn't have lemon, okay?!

Beep Beep

Friday, October 13, 2006

Note to Sky:

How many of those are women?

Beep Beep
Note to all Skys out there:

Today I was yelled at by a secretary for telling her that my name was Scott on the phone but then switching it to Sky when I talked with her in person. Um, yeah, my bad. Idiot.


Beep there's actually a Sky Facebook group with 261 members Beep.
Note to Rochester riddle fans:

What's a ghost's favorite part of its garbage plate?






Before you look at the hilarious answer, I'd like to let everyone know that Kate enjoys licking her computer screen.






The Halloweenies!

Beep Yes, I made that up myself and I'm quite "proud" Beep.

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Note to all:

Holy shitfuck!

Beep Guitar Hero 2 related. Beep.

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

Note to all:

Do you suppose that Ronan Tynan barely tolerates his job and actually hates america with the eternal burning passion of a thousand suns?

Also, how much does his record label pay to have the Yankees keep bringing him out there?

Lastly, how much more super awesome would it be if the Mets had a live version of Lazy Mary in the seventh?

Beep Beep™.

Friday, September 29, 2006

Note to all:

Cool people post to the Beep Beep Blog from the Rochester International Airport at 5:15 am.

Beep international = toronto Beep

Thursday, September 28, 2006

Note to Triangle Man:

Quit being such a punk-ass bitch.

Beep dick... beep

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Note to Crotchesterians:

Evidently the new tagline for everyone's favorite pitcher is "You can't handle the Boof."

Beep My jury's still out beep

Monday, September 25, 2006

Note to Matt and Pam:

I'm back. Stalking resumed hardcore.

Beep beep!

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Note to Pam:

I thought about posting some insulting comments about the Fins performance the past two weeks, but I thought that a) it wouldn't be in character of the non-existent "new Brian", b) it wouldn't go along with my promise to watch only association football, and c) someone else would take care of it.

Also, I may have to start writing some FBMs about football, since the rest of you have given up.

Beep Beep.
Note to Pammy:

I'm sorry. I will try harder.

Anyone catch that Bills game last weekend? Hot damn.

Beep beep.
Note to everyone:

Why doesn't anyone post to the beep beep blog dot blogspot dot com anymore? Also, yesterday was international talk like a pirate day, so we lost a great opportunity.

Beep ARGGGHHHH! Beep

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

Note to Matt and Pam:

It's official, I stalk Matt and Pam.

Beep stalk stalk stalk beep.

Monday, September 11, 2006

Note to all:

Brush up on these songs:

Nirvana; "Heart-Shaped Box"
Primus (original recording); "John the Fisherman"
Stone Temple Pilots; "Trippin' on a Hole in a Paper Heart"
Anthrax; "Madhouse"
Motley Crue; "Shout at the Devil"
The Police; "Message in a Bottle"
The Pretenders; Tattooed Love Boys"
Spinal Tap; "Tonight I'm Gonna Rock You Tonight"
Heart; "Crazy on You"
Allman Brothers Band; "Jessica"
Lynyrd Skynrd; "Freebird"
Avenged Sevenfold; "Beast and the Harlot"
Dick Dale; "Misirlou"
Lamb of God; "Laid to Rest"
Alice in Chains; "Them Bones"
Reverend Horton Heat; "Psychobilly Freakout"
Black Sabbath; "War Pigs"
KISS; "Strutter"
Butthole Surfers; "Who Was in My Room Last Night?"
Van Halen; "You Really Got Me"
Guns N' Roses; "Sweet Child O'Mine"
The Rolling Stones; "Can't You Hear Me Knocking?"
Rush; "YYZ"

Beep \m/ Beep.
Note to Sky:

I suppose I should have read your entire post first before asking stupid questions. Why can't we edit?

Beep Dumbass Beep.
Note to Sky:

It could be worse: your favorite team's QB could be the type of guy that, while on a Sex Cruise, decided to shoot dice.

Also, how many contestants got the sou blowing thing correct?

Beep beep.

Sunday, September 10, 2006

Note to football fans:

I think I just saw the highlight of the Bills' season. It's all downhill from here.

Beep beep.
Note to baseball fans pt. 2,

I thought the Wikipedia entry on the song was pretty darn interesting: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Take_Me_Out_to_the_Ball_Game. Quick poll: what do you folks say on the "root root root" line - I'm a "For it's..." kinda girl.

Beep Beep

Saturday, September 09, 2006

Note to baseball fans:

Tonight's Final Jeopardy answer was:

The opening line to this 1908 song is "Katie Casey is baseball mad."

Beep 2/3 beep.

Thursday, September 07, 2006

Note to all:

Get ready....

Beep T-minus 3 hours... beep
Note to Sky, Liz, and Brian:

Potential Mets Post-season roster-
LoDuca and Castro
Delgado and Franco
Valentin, Reyes, Wright, AHernandez, and Woodward
Green, Chavez, Beltran, Floyd

Pedro, Glavine, El Duque, Maine
Oliver and Williams
Bradford, Felisiano, R. Hernandez, Heilman, Wagner...

Which totals 24. So who's your last pick? Trachsel, the veteran with bad periphrials? Tucker, the extra outfielder and bat off the bench? DiFelice the 3rd catcher? or Mota the fireballing reliever?

Beep B33P
Note to Brian:

Don't believe the hype. They have a $15 million payroll, and received $32 million in revenue sharing alone. They're bafoons trying to destroy the economics of baseball, and they will fall on their head over the last month.

Beep Yup, I'm a Marlins Hater Beep

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

Note to Florida Marlins:

Is there room on the bandwagon?

Beep Please? Beep.
Note to W:

At some nebulous point in the past, did you mention a weekend that would be good for you to visit Kentucky, or am I making that up?

Beep Beep.

Monday, September 04, 2006

Note to Matty:

That's not Sarah Jessica Parker. It's Steffi Graf.

Beep Beep

Sunday, September 03, 2006

Query to all:

How long has Andre Agassi been married to Sarah Jessica Parker?

Beep She's a man, man! beep
Note to Sky:

Regarding your laundry query, I have a sneaking suspicion that Jen Andrews knows how they got there.

Beep psycho Beep

Saturday, September 02, 2006

Note to Brian and Doug,

Isn't Matty our resident horse racing expert? Be sure you get your picks from him before you go down to Kentucky.

Beep Beep
Note to Brian:

October is race month in Lexington. As in horse racing. Brad totally wants us to come visit.

Beep Beep
Note to All:

Brad is not engaged. But he thanks us for our caring and remembrance of his drunken rambling.

Beep Un Un Cinq Cinq RUE GUY! Beep
Note to self:

Spending Labor Day in a place that was projected to get hit by a tropical storm and lots of rain my note have been the best idea ever. Then again, NYC is supposed to be in rough shape this weekend too, so what the hell.

Beep Beep

Friday, September 01, 2006

Note to all:Matty Y deserves to be front and center.

Beep beep.
Question for all:

What's the best explanation for finding a dozen thongs mixed in with my dry laundry tonight? (I share a washer/dryer with the girls next door.)

A. One of the chicks has a crush on me even though they're lesbians.
B. My schizophrenic alter ego is a real ladies' man and keeps souveniers.
C. My schizophrenic alter ego is transgender.
D. It's some sort of sign not to leave my clothes in the dryer.
E. Something else, which I'm sure you'll help me figure out.

Beep beep.
Note to all:Here is the rarest of all Topps Guitar Hero Cards from that magical 1987 set. Anybody have a signed card?

Beep beep.

Monday, August 28, 2006

Note to Sky:

Is it possible to have a non-flash solution?

Beep Beep.
Note to all:Beep beep.
Note to all:Beep beep
Note to all:

Let's see if this works...



Beep beep.

Saturday, August 26, 2006

Note to the hospital PA announcer:

Code Pink = bad! How can a Code Pink be called off 10 minutes later without the evening news showing up?

Beep Code Pink = infant abduction, btw Beep

Thursday, August 24, 2006

Note to self:

Drinking on a Wednesday night after kickball might be good for the soul, but it's definitely bad for the Thursday morning.

Beep (hiccup) Beep

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Note to all:

My new favorite holiday is National Sticky Bun Day -- February 21st.

Beep Beep.

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Note to those of you who are more well-versed than I am in the names of all the semi-pro leagues out there:

Why did no one tell me this team existed?????
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Macon_Whoopee

Beep another season, another reason beep!

Monday, August 21, 2006

Note to Doug:

We should tell the Cyclones PA person and the Rhinos PA person that they are fighting Thunderdome style, then throw them into a cage and shoot both of them.

My ears are too messed up to even hear the Beep Beep.
Note to Doug:

A kid with a "Doug Miller Soccer Camp" t-shirt just walked into the library.

You need to work on your slogan, though:

"Do you want to be a good player or a GREAT player?"

Beep Penfield United beep.

Sunday, August 20, 2006

Note to WD:

If you get the Mets song, send it my way. Even if it does remind me of Dominic the Donkey.

Beep Beep
Note to Matty Y:

I watched Grey's Anatomy the other night and I just want to know... is life as an intern/resident really that crazy??!!

Beep We've got a code black Beep
Note to Matty Y:

Since when do you know Samuel L. Jackson? Greatest phone call of the weekend.

Beeps on a mutha f'in Beep!
Note to Liz and Kate:

Drunk Punch is awesome. But I think I might still be drunk from last night. And yes, I know that I made the punch, so it's probably my fault that things got crazy last night.

B33P B33P
Note to Sky or Brian:

I've had no luck finding the song Lazy Mary online. It's the crazy Italian song they play during the 7th inning stretch at Shea. Any chance you could use your vast song-finding skills and find it for me?

Beep I'm Not Lazy, I'm Just Incompetant Beep
Note to guy running the Brooklyn cyclones P.A. System:

I am sure you love your job, and sound technology is really cool and all, but we really don't need to hear inspirational "get the crowd pumped" music between EVERY SINGLE PITCH. And don't even get me started about the few times that you played multiple sound snipets between pitches.

Beep (Yes I'm a curmudgeon who wishes they would just use the organ and nothing else) Beep

Friday, August 18, 2006

Note to Matty Y:

Who let the motherfucking snakes on the motherfucking plane?

Beep beep.

Friday, August 11, 2006

Note to self:

Do not drink the 4th straight glass of whiskey when it is handed to you after you've had 4 beers and 2 glasses of wine.


beep (puke) beep

Thursday, August 10, 2006

Note to new downstairs neighbors:

You *will* learn to love Bark at the Moon.

Beep Beep.
Note to all:

Frank!

Beep beep!

Thursday, August 03, 2006

Note to Brad:

So, July 31 has come and gone... What'd she say?

Beep Yes I know he doesn't check this blog beep.
Note to my facilities manager:

We're going to have a frickin' blackout. Turn down the goddamn air conditioning so I can take off my sweater.

Beep that goes for you too, businesses with your doors open Beep

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

Note to Pammy:


Beep beep.
Note to Paychex HR Morons:

When interviewing a candidate who graduated college with a major in mathematics, you can probably safely skip administering the middle-school-level math test.

Beep I aced that mofo beep

Monday, July 31, 2006

Note to Matty Y:

Apparently they've done away with the Cat in the Hat down at Texas Christian....... but how do you think this affects their Balanced Man program?



Beep beep

Sunday, July 30, 2006

Note to the Discovery Channel:

Long live Shark Week!

Beep CHOMP! beep

Saturday, July 29, 2006

Note to the two kids wearing #11 Drew Bledsoe Bills Jerseys to the Rhinos match last night:

WTF?

Beep Beep.

Monday, July 24, 2006

Note to Brian:

Really all of the above. I mean, what the hell is "butt sliding"?? Overall, the whole synopsis just lacks the raw talent and determination that the movie deserves.

Beep Gnarly! beep!
Note to Matt:

Do you mean the choppy writing style in the plot synopsis, or the content of the entry?

If the latter, what would you suggest adding?

Beep Looks pretty good in HD. Beep.
Note to us:

The Wikipedia entry for "Rad" sucks. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rad_%28film%29) We must do something about this.

Beep beep
Note to GH fans:

Another great comic for your Monday amusement.

http://xkcd.com/c132.html

Beep beep.

Monday, July 17, 2006

Note to Doug:

I already went over this: She lives in your neighborhood and doesn't have SNY on cable. Invite her over* to watch a goddamn game.

Beep *Professor Thoms also acceptable Beep.
Note to Brian:

The new female Mets blogger Jessica (http://chicksdigthepitchersduel.blogspot.com/) used the term Baltimore Chop twice in her post about the weekend's games. I really sorta totally need to meet this NYC college chick.

Beep I Might Be In Love Beep

Saturday, July 15, 2006

Note to All:

Fuck the world cup, getting HD cable has just paid for itself:

Check it.

Beep Think about it! Beep.

Thursday, July 13, 2006

Note to Table 10:

Ah-ha!

Beep beep.

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

Note to Sky:

Your boy Taylor is going to end up crying like C. Ronaldo if he shows up in the Roc on August 2nd.

Beep Beep.
Note to Juergen Klinsmann:

US soccer headquarters is 45 minutes from your house. You can spend plenty of time with your family.

Beep Beep.
Note to BU sophomores:

Don't tie up your cap space.

Beep beep
Note to us:

We're not the only "Rad" fans out there! Though Simmons didn't respond to the question too directly

http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=simmons/chat/060712

Beep beep
Note to SAP Palo Alto:

Just because you were silly enough to sign up for a job that requires you to take calls at 6 AM doesn't mean I want to take calls with you at 6 PM. And yes, I know 6 PM isn't much to complain about, but I'm lazy.

Beep EST rules, suckas Beep

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

Note to the sporting world:

I wish I were famous. If I were famous, could I do things like this?

"ESPN.com news services
Downhill skier Bode Miller, who won two silver medals at the Salt Lake City Olympics in 2002 but was shut out in a disappointing showing in the Torino Games this year, has signed a one-game contract to play for the Nashua (N.H.) Pride of the independent CanAm League."

Could I? Could I? Ooh, ooh, please? Thanks!

Beep beep.

Monday, July 10, 2006

Note to Firechrotchester:

No, but I do have this:



Will this help?

Beep beep!

Saturday, July 08, 2006

Note to blind asshole that somehow overpowered the ref and donned his kit for tonight's match:

As was discussed earlier in the week, often the best team loses in soccer; I am OK with that. Sure, it is more difficult when the good guys hit iron four times and had several other wide open chances that they totally missed on, but if these guys could put in the in the back of the net on a consistent basis, they wouldn't be in USL 1st division. However, I don't think it is too much to ask that you should blow your goddamn whistle even if your pansy-ass linesman doesn't raise his pretty little flag when the bad guy is five fucking yards offside. Try watching the match next time.

Beep MFing Beep.
Note to Millerstock 2k6 participants:

Does anyone have a photo of the completed Beirut tournament draw? Kate's is pretty good, but missing a few matches. Why do I need this? To complete the rankings spreadsheet, naturally.

Beep Mmm, wine Beep.
Note to Doug:

Yes.

Beep Dontcha? Dontcha? Beep.

Friday, July 07, 2006

Note to WD:

Hahahahaha. Sweet,

Beep beep
Note to Extraneous Family Members:

This is not the blog you're looking for. We may go about our business. Move along.

Beep B33p
Note to crappy Rochester film critic Jack Garner:

Avast! There is a clear "Best pirate movie ever," and it does not star Johnny Depp or Errol Flynn.

Beep Beep.

Thursday, July 06, 2006

Note to Liz's boss:

Freedom isn't free. And neither is Liz.

Beep Beep
Note to Liz:

Your boss actually said "what does that mean to me?" when you told him it was your BIRTHDAY??

Your boss sounds like a total no-talent ass clown, even if his last name isn't Ausmus.

By the way, New York kiddies, who wants to go to PS1 for boozing and dancing in the sun on Saturday? Hmmmm?


Beep Liz I'm sorry that I can't make it to your birthday thing on Sunday I totally suck big, hairy, Ausmus balls Beep

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

Note to all:

Fragile. That must be Italian.

Beep beep!
Note to my boss:

No, I am not free this weekend to take the tax auditors out to a show with you. Even if the show is free. I am not. It was 6:00. I had just eaten my first bite of solid food all day. Was that because I was hungover? Maybe. But it's also because I'd been running around all day doing stupid shite for you so this audit could happen tomorrow. And when you asked me if I was free this weekend, and I told you it was my birthday, you blinked and asked, "What does that mean to me?" It means I am not free. And even if I was, it is now 7:45 and I am in no way close to being able to go home from the office. We had a four day weekend and I was in the office on two of those days.

You know what that means? I am not free.

Beep but I will go with you all to Bobby Van's Steakhouse for lunch tomorrow. Tomorrow, I will be free. beep
Note to Hell:

No, you're not freezing over; I still know nothing about baseball and prefer to keep it that way. I just saw the name "Brad Ausmus" on Sportscenter some early morning and, feeling jaded for being awake too early and for having to watch baseball highlights, came to the conclusion that he's a no-talent ass-clown. Table 10 rules, bitches.

Beep beep
Note to Table 10:

As relayed from Erin, Janel recently called up the DJ from her wedding as part of the whole thank-you process. The DJ said she had a great time and then asked how Table 10 was doing. She loved us.

Beep beep.
Note to Major League Baseball:

If Dr. Nick (a.k.a., Matty Y.) knows that Brad Ausmus is undeserving of an NL roster spot, it's a good bet we all do.

Beep Who Taught Matty Y how to read baseball statistics Beep

Monday, July 03, 2006

Note to Major League Baseball:

Brad Ausmus is a no-talent ass-clown.

Beep beep

Friday, June 30, 2006

Note to all:

Enjoy your long weekends. I'm off to the 'dacks to read, paddle, and not use a computer for a few days.

Beep Fireworks beep.

Thursday, June 29, 2006

Note to Coco Crisp:

Nice Catch!

Beep Beep.
Note to Brian:

The plural of "Mr" is not "Mrs," but rather Messrs. And yes, I already fixed it for you in your FBM post.

Beep Beep
Note to Brian:

I don't know, you seemed like a less belligerent drunk to me. Of course, this may be because I have become a steadily more belligerent drunk over the last few years since graduating from college.

Beep Beep
Note to self:

You don't remember saying half of those beep beeps. Try not to do that often. Also, you are not as funny as you think you are.

Beep Beep

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Note to Announcer guy on SNY:

The DH is used by every other baseball league in the universe; it is not "weird."

Beep Beep.
Note to Pam:

New Brian and old Brian are the same person; there is no new Brian.

Corinne confirmed this by noticing that I was a juvenile asshole after only a few days. (Actually, she said something about me reminding her of a character from American Pie, which I haven't actually seen but played along with because I figured the conversation would be a disaster as soon as she said "You know who you remind me of?" Anyway, I think the point was that I was a juvenile asshole.)

Beep Work in progress. Beep.
Note to all:

We are f*ing drunken comic geniuses.

Beep *<>* beep.
Beep beeps from Millerstock 2k6...

Note to self: Always play a warm-up game. Beep beep. -Liz

Note to Sky: I just saw you trip. What a loser. Beep beep. -Pammy

Note to Sky: Did your drum logo get painted in the '80s? Beep beep. -Pammy

Note to self: Catherine looks like Andi McDowell. With blonde hair. Beep beep. -Pammy

Note to beep beep: Make it stop! Beep beep. -unknown

Note to Sky: Uh, what the fuck are you doing? Beep beep. -Pammy

Note to Sky: Your headband does not look cool. Beep beep. -Pammy

Note to Sky: I don't know where the stop button is and where the play button is. Beep beep. -Pammy

Note to everybody: Buy the Wall of Boobs a trampoline. Beep beep. -LizMc

Note to Doug: Red hat and faded maroon shirt do not go together. Beep beep. -LizMc

Note to Sky: This is what's in my pocket. Beep beep. -Pammy

Scotty Sherrirrerrssherrersh recommends xylotol as a non-decay-inducing sugar. Beep beep. -Kate

Knob Creek/drunk Kate is the new Old Brian. Beep beep. -Kate

Note to self: When did Brian decide to get rid of the old Brian? Beep beep. -Pammy

Note to self: Mohammad is a fantastic pong partner. Or Beirut, or cups, or whatever we call this silly little game. Beep beep. -Sky

Fuck. Beep Beep. Beep beep. -Sky

Hi Sky. {something in Arabic}. That means "welcome" in Arabic. So it was so nice to play ping pong with you today. Thank you. Beep beep. -Mohammad.

Beep Still recovering beep.

Monday, June 26, 2006

Note to Doug:

I don't have any room in my apartment for that gigantic-ass cone.

Beep You'll pay... beep.

Thursday, June 22, 2006

Note to Matty Y:

Godspeed, Dr. Nick. Godspeed.

Beep beep!
Note to Matty Y:

If anybody suffers an alcohol related malady this weekend, I'll demand they be taken to Beth Israel Deaconess and the trusty hands of Dr. Nick.

Beep Drinking for two beep.
Note to Boston's sick:

T-minus 23 hours until Dr. Nick starts his internship.

Run. For. Your. Lives.

Beep (yikes!) beep

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

Note to all:

RAD keeps you young. Nadia Comaneci and Bart Conner had their first child just this month.

Beep beep.
Note to Brian:

I gladly accept the appointment, on the condition that no communiques are to be expected after 5pm. I'm not planning on slowing down in order to play with the radio and fiddle with the phone.

Beep 49 1/2 hours until I leave beep.
Note to Self:

Why does the qualifying track for HellTrack look nothing like HellTrack itself? Doesn't that, by nature, make it a bad test of who should qualify for Hell Track? I mean, when Matty Y wanted to no-height... I mean, when he wanted to qualify for the Pent, his "qualifying" wasn't based on him doing well in the Steeple Chase.

Just saying.

Beep Beep
Note to Brian:

I believe that Baskin Robbins' mint chocolate chip ice cream has a better sense of direction than Sky. It could probably find the train station.

Beep beep.
Note to Brian:

Our 40 pound case of chicken wings can be picked up after 9am tomorrow. Only $44.99.

Beep 40 lbs is a shitload beep.
Note to Liz:

You are now officially the Millerstock 2k6 World Cup Score text messaging coordinator for Friday since it appears Scotty has failed as Millerstock 2k6 satellite TV coordinator.

Beep Beep.
Note to Kate:

Can the mint ice cream find the train station?

Beep (old Brian) Beep.

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Note to all:

Have about thirty beers, a pound of BBQ, and three dozen chicken wings for me this weekend since I won't be able to make it. I'm on call Friday night (my first day on the job) and won't have a day off until the 4th of July weekend.

P.S. Did Sky just refer to himself as "brilliant"?

Beep beep
Note to self:

Do NOT forget your paddle. Or you may cry yourself to sleep.

Beep 73 1/4 hours until I head out beep.
Note to self:

Do NOT forget your paddle. Or you may cry yourself to sleep.

Beep 73 3/4 hours until I head out beep.
Note to Brian:

Actually, no -- that's the brilliant part. Getting from individual cups-per-round to team margin-of-victory does involve number of rounds, but it cancels out in the end.

If you were omniscient and knew individual cups-per-round, you could calculate expected number of rounds in a game, and therefore the expected margin-of-victory. By using margin-of-victory as the starting point, you can have Excel's Solver function assign individual cups-per-round figures that best fit the observed margins-of-victory.

Beep beep.
Note to Sky:

Don't you also need total rounds (cup appearances?) ?

Beep Am I missing something? Beep.
Note to Brian:

Cups-per-round was the key to figuring out Beirut ratings. Now I've got a nifty Excel workbook that will compute individual player ratings simply by recording the teams and cups remaining.

Beep Excel and I need to get a room beep.
Note to self:

You like Mark Cuban despite hating basketball, so watch HDnet more often.

Beep Fucking Beep.

Monday, June 19, 2006

Note to Pam:

Smashing idea! I think I have it on VHS somewhere.... It is probably best appreciated after a couple of drinks.

Beep beep.
Note to Doug:

Pick someone that knows what they are doing, and delegate them to be in charge of snacks. I don't want people complaining about not being fed at a time that is convenient to them.

Beep Beep.

Sunday, June 18, 2006

Note to Terry Francona:

It is OK to use your best pitchers in high leverage situations, even if it isn't in the 9th inning.

Beep Beep.
Note to Self:

Begin attending the World Cup.

Beep Beep.
Note to Sky:

I was serious.

Beep Beep.
Note to Millerstock 2k6 participants:

As Brian's post implied, don't expect any RAD/GH songs from the lame band you hired to perform. Evidently drummers carry zero creative influence.

Here's hoping I can make it up to y'all with strawberry-based foods.

Beep Fucking Johnny Cougar made the cut beep.

Saturday, June 17, 2006

Note to Sky:

You aren't getting any meat unless you play Break the Ice.

Beep Fair Warning Beep.
Note to Self:

Goofy finger point thing, not thumbs up.

Beep Beep.
Note to Liz:

Why yes, I did see Donald in Mathemagic land. But when you're already in 8th grade and your crazy math teacher (who has already made you write math poems that year) makes you watch it, it's not as cool. I'd watch it again though...shall we have a screening next time the boys watch Rad?

Beep Beep
Dear Brian,

I don't know, man. It's gonna take a radical miracle to beat these guys.

Love,
Team America

Beep beep
Note to Captain America:

To Hell with playing cautiously against Italy.

Go Balls out.

Beep *Thumbs Up!* Beep.

Friday, June 16, 2006

Note to Sky:

Did you ever see the video "Donald in Mathmagic Land"? I always think of it when I play pool. Sadly, it did nothing for my depth perception nor my fine motor skills.

Beep pythagorean theorum beep.
Note to Liz:

Let's say your two digits are A and B. That makes your number 10*A + B (e.g. 76 is 10*7 + 6). Subtracting off the two digits leaves 10*A + B - (A + B). Simplifying yields just 9A, meaning you're left with a multiple of 9. You'll notice that every multiple of 9 in the chart is associated with the same symbol. Magic? No, mathemagic...

Beep I'm a geek beep.
Note to self:

Took you long enough to figure it out.

Jeez.

Beep FRIDAY beep.
Note to all:

I admit defeat. I can't solve it. Go to it.

http://milaadesign.com/wizardy.html

Beep aw beep.
Note to Sky:

Why no baseball card for me?

Beep Beep
Note to self:

Must root for Trinidad and Tobago (T 'n T) more. They're dyn-o-MITE!

Beep beep
Note to Kate:

Bid in the last two minutes, it'll save a lot of time.

Beep Beep.

Thursday, June 15, 2006

Note to Sky:

Why buy a jacket when you can just steal everyone else's formalwear?

Beep Table 10 beep.
Note to Kate:

Too bad there's no sailor in the photo.

Beep Take me home, Dougie beep.
Note to ESPN2 (from earlier this afternoon when blogger was down):

Why the hell am i being shown the Rochester Rattlers, live from PAETEC Park right now? Is there really nothing else on in the wide world of sports?

Beep beep
Note to Doug:

O CAM!

Beep Beep.

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Note to my stalkers,

If you've lost my trail over the past six months, this'll make you feel better:

Wilmington, NC
Annapolis, MD
Rochester
Nashua, NH
North Adams, MA
Nashua, NH
Hanover, NH
Norwich, VT
Northern NH
Nashua, NH
Hanover, NH
New York City
Hanover, NH
Annapolis, MD
Norfolk, VA
Wilmington, NC
Charleston, SC
Hostel in the Woods, GA
Jacksonville-ish, FL
Cape Canaveral-ish, FL
West Palm Beach-ish, FL
Other Florida, FL
No Clue, WV
Rochester
New York City
Montreal, CAN
Rochester
Toronto, CAN
Rochester
New York City
Rochester
Lake George, NY
Rochester
Hillrise Drive, Pen
New York City
Wilmington, NC
Rochester, NY
Branford, CT
New York City
Branford, CT
Rochester

Beep fuck big oil beep
Note to Liz:

Pirate crews do not reply "eye eye" to commands. They reply "aye aye," as in "yes yes." Though it WOULD be funny if they were just having a joke at the one-eyed captain's expense by saying "eye eye."

Beep Beep

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

Note to All:




Beep I'll have better pictures tomorrow Beep.
Note to all:

The Baseball game I have been watching on INHD has commercials for competitive eating during inning breaks. I am worried for humanity.

Beep Beep.
Note to Doug:

We need Canadian Beer keg technology at Millerstock.

Beep/Beep.

Monday, June 12, 2006

Note to Pam:

Do you think they need a license for those things? I mean, it's really just a glorified bike, right? Maybe he is 15. Maybe there's a whole army out of underaged pedicab drivers overcharging tourists and pouting when you don't want to give in to their mean pedicab ways.

Beep beep.
Note to DaMarcus Beasley:

Keep the ball at your feet, man.

Beep beep.
Note to Brian:

Take job at SAP with Pam. They're showing the World Cup matches on the big screen in the main conference room in NYC. And you could make up an excuse to go to HQ in Germany.

Beep Beep
Note to Sky:

Yeah, I was excited about that, too. Nina says, "Hi," and LeVaur says, "For real? Yo."

Beep go Jersey beep.
Note to Liz:

Remember the pedicab (rickshaw?) driver who wanted $20 to go 15 blocks? Just passed him again yesterday in Times Square. I think he's about 15.

Beep who rides those things?? Beep

Sunday, June 11, 2006

Note to Sky:

The IL ERA is 3.59.

Beep Holy shit! Beep.

Saturday, June 10, 2006

Note to self:
Should have saved the Future Stars for this card.

Beep July 31 Beep
Note to self

Note to all:
I'm running short on quality guitar hero pictures -- help would be appreciated. Also, the font's not quite right. Any suggestions?

Edit: Doug is definitely a Guitar Hero star of the here and now, not the future.

Beep beep.

Note to all:

Wine is only awesome up to a certain point. Wine is not awesome when your roommate vomits bright red puke all over you when you go into her room to ask her where the Nintendo controllers are.

Beep ew Beep

Friday, June 09, 2006

Note to all:

WINE IS AWESOME. I am drunk, and then going to the Guggenheim to look at art and be drunk. BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP
Note to Blogspot Pt. 2:

WTF? Really, why do you hate me?

Beep Beep
Note to Millerstock participants:

I come from Europe bearing trophies for the members of the winning cups team. Go World Cup.


Beep Beep
Note to Millerstock participants:

I come from Europe bearing trophies for the members of the winning cups team. Go World Cup.


Beep Beep
Note to Millerstock participants:

I come from Europe bearing trophies for the members of the winning cups team. Go World Cup.


Beep Beep
Note to Blogspot:

Why won't you let me sign in and create a user profile?

Beep Beep
Note to self:
Bark at the moon.

Beep beep.
Note to self:

That guy can shred.

Beep his eye looks fine beep.
Note to Sky:

You should plan on sleeping on the sidewalk should you elect to come to NYC on Monday. I see that not only have you ignored my requests for mint brownies, but you have offered them to another, lower ranked Kate. Maybe Liz will take pity on you and offer you a place to stay, because there ain't no room at THIS McKeon inn.

Beep you do it to yourself, you do, and that's why it really hurts, you do it to yourself, just you, you and no one else Beep
Note to self:

Plan for domination:
1. Ask Sky where the hell the Topps 1987 card generator can be found.
2. Make card for all the Table 10 wedding guests.
3. Remember that Doug 1 needs two cards, his standard team card, and his supplemental "League MVP" Card.
4. Get frustrated by process due to the limitations of a G4-400 chip in 6 year old computer. Use as flimsy excuse to go to new 5th Ave Apple Store at 4am one night and buy a brand new spanking computer.
5. Drink Woodford to avoid buyers remorse.

Beep Beep
Note to self:


Damn!

Beep damn that's hot beep.
Note to Liz:

I was extremely happy for you when I noticed you weren't online at 1:15am tonight. Enjoy your day off.

Beep beep.

Thursday, June 08, 2006

Note to Bills fans:
The three jerseys that local sports stores are carrying these days are:

1) J.P. "not sure if I can beat out Craig Nall" Losman
2) Kick-returner Terrance McGee
3) Punter Brian Moorman

Not a good sign, folks.

Beep beep
Note to Brian:
Any self-respecting pong paddle would be so beer-soaked that it would extinguish whatever smoldering pile of ashes you try to throw it on.

Oh, and happy birthday.

Beep beep
Note to Brian:

That will be a fitting tribute, as they each deserve a warrior's death and the honor of nourishing the tribe. Don't let your concern keep you from your essential, destined role, we'll bring plenty of reserves.

Beep And we'll show you how the girls cut them to fit our hands. Beep.
Note to Dartmouth people:

If paddles get broken out at millerstock, they will be used as fuel to char meat.

Beep Old Brian, new Brian, it doesn't matter, paddles are just wrong. Plus, I can't hold them in my little tiny hands. Beep.

Wednesday, June 07, 2006

Note to FC-FC Fans:

Props to Boston Kate for hooking us up with Fenway tickets after the deadline. Is there an address where I can send her some brownies?

Beep mint beep.
Note to Doug:

I didn't see anything about the 23rd or High-Def in your post.

Also, start nailing down a number so I know how many cows to slaughter.

Beep Beep.
Note to Sky:

EJ's the man; he'll put the ball in the net.

Beep Beep.

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

Note to Sky and Brian:

Talked to Nathan. The Cabin, being as it is on a hill, gets fine network reception. ABC is broadcasting World Cup action on the 24th and 25th from 1030am until 1pm, so we should be covered during those time slots, assuming we have a TV. I know this is not much, but it is a
start. Will continue researching possible Direct TV options and/or harassing Scott Shallish.

Beep B33P
Note to Doug:

Mass email requesting satellite dish for Millerstock World Cup viewing?

Beep Taylor-Twellman Got Screwed Beep
Note to Brian:

Keep the faith, at least he didn't tell his "wife" you were built like a gymnast. Or a dancer. Or use the word "bendy."

Beep beep.
Note to self:

Watch your back, it's creepy week. First there was that 45-year old man on the train Sunday night who practically tried to sit on your lap and then stopped you in the station to ask if you were "a gymnast or a dancer, or an athlete of some kind." Now the security guard downstairs has sent your coworker up with a business card to be given specifically to you, three hours after you were last downstairs. Since you don't know anyone who works for Cushman & Wakefield, you can only hope that someone thought it fell out of your purse, which is the only really acceptable explanation unless we've regressed to passing notes like 4th graders. Things were less sketchy when the sailors were in town.

Beep ew beep.
Note to Sky:

Strawberry, with fresh berries, please. You're a peach!

Beep beep!
Note to Liz:

What kind of ice cream do you want?

Beep Beep.
Note to somebody:

More evidence that only gay men find me attractive:

-an Indian guy from another department described me to his "wife" as "cute."

-at the Jazz fest two years ago, a sax player tried to hit on me between sets, and after the show, attempted to get me to come back to the hotel for the late night "jam session."

Beep just saying Beep.
Note to Sky:

You've always been a rock star.

Beep *** beep.
Note to self:

The life of a rock star is more difficult than first anticipated. And I haven't even hit the cocaine/hookers/VH1 Behind the Music phase yet.

Beep I have that damn Patrick Swayze song stuck in my head beep.

Monday, June 05, 2006

Note to all:

But the game's about to come on! Woohoo!

Beep beep!
Note to my office-mates:

G to the T to the S - oh wait, I'm still here.

Beep :( beep.
Note to IT:

I'm going to kill you motherfuckers. You have fucked up my ENTIRE LAST WEEK OF WORK. The next one of you sniveling asshats who walks into my office better run as fast as you can, because I am going to take my pointy toed, pretty little shoe and shove it deep into your scrotum until you beg for forgiveness for fucking up the mapping of my U drive FOR THE 8 MILLIONTH TIME and uninstalling EVERY SINGLE PROGRAM I need to complete my very very important client presentation on Wednesday. I am then going to take my other shoe and slap you in the face with it until you cry for your momma for eliminating the functionality of my email address.

Note to Sky:

I want mint brownies.

Beep assreaming IT douchebag motherfuckers Beep
Note to Peter King:

You are the Roger Ebert of football... and that is not a compliment.

Beep beep
Note to big Black guy wearing Zubaz pants outside the deli this morning:

You, sir, are awesome. *High-five*

Beep, beep.
Note to Doug:

Extol virtues of Electric Eel Shock to Matt and Sky.
Note to self:

Ask all participants of NancyFest 2006 if they misplaced Catch Phrase at my parents' house. Mom said she found a copy and is looking to ship it back from whence it came.

Beep beep.

Sunday, June 04, 2006

Note to ICPS:

Learn Bark at the Moon.

Beep Beep.
Note to Sky:

Ice cream maker?

Beep beep.
Note to self:

I love my mattress. Found while unpacking: Drinking glasses! Ice cream maker! Lime-green chair! Hamper! Non-stick cookware! Ties = not so fun. Stuffed Playboy bunny from softball team, um yeah. Hot brown and green sneakers! PHOTOGRAPHS -- damn, this is better than Christmas.

I cannot wait to move again.

Beep beep.
Note to self:

Drive less.

Beep beep.

Saturday, June 03, 2006

Note to self:

Buy Gore-tex pants.

Beep, Beep.
Note to Sky:

Start fangraph.com-ing Mikey Y's little league games.

Beep beep.

Friday, June 02, 2006

Note to Kate:

Damn skippy.

Beep beep.
Note to Mr. Time Warner Cable Installer Guy:

If you had touched the screen a third time, you would have lost a finger.

Actually, you had tattoos and used American Chopper as an example on how to work the DVR, so it probably would have ended poorly for me.

Beep. Beep.
Note to Doug:

I was at the graduation of another fine McKeon woman. There's no email in the balcony of Radio City. Don't want the Rockettes getting ideas, running backstage to check their MySpace comments or the box scores or anything like that......

Beep beep.
Note to self:

Do not drink half a bottle of wine without eating dinner. Also, get new job to accommodate for $400/mo rent increase.

Beep beep.

Thursday, June 01, 2006

Note to Sky:

If you are in the NC, you have 15 minutes to evacuate before we nuke it from orbit.

fuckthesouth.com (an actual website, and one of my all time favorites.)

Beep Go Oilers! Beep.
Note to Kate:
You may have better boobs than Doug, but he certainly has nicer nipples!

I mean... um... I've never seen your nipples, Kate... um...

Pay no attention to that lens-like device covertly sitting next to the conditioner bottle in your shower.

Um...

Beep beep
Note to Sky:

Q: What did Kate say to Sky after he turned off email posting?
A: You're lame and have no sense of humor

Beep beep
Note to all:

While giving Kate yet another way to pass the buck via deviously manipulative lies was a lot of fun, I've turned off the auto-email-posting. You'll have to post the old-school way.

Beep beep.

Note to Doug:

Yeah dude, lay off. I'm trying to get with some underage chicks right now, and all the blog fighting is distracting me.

(Doug is the) beep beep (nazi).

Note to Doug:

What are you talking about, I didn't format properly? I have written beep beep after every post, WTF? What are you, WD to Evers to Beep Beep Nazi? Lay off. Brian likes me better than you anyway, because my boobs are nicer than yours.

Beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep

Note to self:

I have no sense of direction. I admit it. It was all my fault.
Actually, everything is always my fault. Why? Because I am red headed.

Beep beep.

Note to Sky (cc:All) :

Since interlopers are no fun, and we want credit for our witty posts, lets just keep making them the standard way. In fact, we should probably turn off that snappy new email address you just sent out.

Beep to the Beep Beep

Note to all:

Evidently anybody can post from any email address. How many days until Viagra starts spamming our site?

Beep beep.

Note to Kate:

Format your "beep beep" notes correctly! The last thing you want is for Brian to revoke your MillerStock eating privileges because you forgot a "note to:" or a "beep beep".

Beep Beep


(Posted by WD)
Note to Sky:

Be careful at high school graduation. Southern girls are sluts. They are all "Jesus wants me to keep my virginity!" but then they get half a bottle of Jack Daniels in them and spread herpes all over Mr. Joseph's 12 Grade Homeroom.

Beep beep.
Sky, if you forget the smoker, do you know what will happen? Not only will Brian force me to force you to drive back to North Carolina, land of bigots and wholesale furniture, but this will also happen:


Beep beep.
Note to Sky:

If you forget the smoker, which I am worried about since you never told me which store you were going to so I could arrange availability for pickup, I will have Kate force you to drive back down.

Beep no pork for you either beep.
Note to Sky:

Liriano is now 4-0 with a 2.11 ERA (3 wins as a starter). Sounds to me like a solid start to writing a SkyKing 162 post on the young Twins pitchers. Including our favorite... (wait for it... wait for it...) The Boof Bonser Experience.

Beep to the Beep
Note to Doug:

It's hard to post about baseball when you have your face shoved in between a pair of barely legal funbags. Not that Sky isn't thinking about baseball, he just can't see the screen.

Beep beep.
Note to all the boys: I would just like to point out that the only two women on this blog are McKeon women, which just goes to show that McKeon women are the best women ever.

Beep beep.
Note to Columbia's Housing Office:

Don't say "You may access your items in storage from 12:30 to 1:30" if what you really mean is "Show up at 1 and then wait around for three hours while we wait for the only guy with a key to get out of his meeting so you can get your shit."

Assholes.

Beep beep
Note to Sky:

Just because you're in North Carolina buying Brian a smoker and hanging out with recently-turned-of-age chicas is no reason for your lack of SkyKing162, FanGraphs, and FBM postings. You don't want us to down-grade you from "Semi-employed baseball writer" back to "Marginally employed floor-layer" do you?

Beep Beep
Note to self:

Make new FBM post. Even though I inherently like the Minnestota Former Red Wings, I am not sure that Joe Mauer really is the "best all-around catcher in baseball."

Beep Beep
Note to Liz:

Welcome to the team. Now make a post.

Beep Beep
Note to Sky:

Change time settings to reflect that we are all in the Eastern Time Zone.

Beep B33p.
Note to Time Warner:

$114.05/month should include ESPN2HD.

Beep I hate disney too Beep.
Note to Doug:

Is it ok to shout for Bark at the Moon at an Electric Eel Shock show?

Beep? beep.
Note to self: There is no such thing as a warm night at Shea. Seriously. The wind off the Long Island Sound is killer. Bring a coat. And a sweatshirt.

Beep Beep

Wednesday, May 31, 2006

Note to Sky:

Tell Brian where to find in-season laser-guided defensive stats so he can finish the FBM post you promised to make.

Also, have David add leaderboards to fangraphs.com.

beep~beep.
Note to you all: I hate you.

Except Brian -- I owe him big time.

Beep beep.
Note to Sky:

The train station is right off North Clinton & the inner loop. There are signs everywhere.

beep; beep.
Note to self:

Do not drop espresso machine screws down the drain.

Beep! beep.
Maybe Sky should create alternate egos, like Brian.

Old Sky: makes people miss the train
New Sky: buys people memberships to the Beer Of The Month Club

Beep beep.
I've totally been cockblocked by Doug. I tried to hook up with totally cute chick named Nancy, and he got all territorial on me.

Beep beep.
Note to Sky: In order to keep up your busy schedule of Fan Graphing, soliciting a job from the D and C, blogging on FBM and your own page, and even planning Orange Cone Attacks, it is might be advisable to make sure you get people to their train on time. Just sayin'.

Beep Beep.

Tuesday, May 30, 2006

Note to self: Remember to end "beep beep" posts with "beep beep."

Beep Beep

Monday, May 29, 2006

Am I the only one who has never been cock-blocked by Doug?

Beep beep.
Note to self: Ask Doug how many Wings v. Pawsox tix I agreed to buy.

Beep Beep
Note to WDM1:
Send out photos and videos from last weekend's wedding.

Beepbeep
Note to self: Convince Sky and Brian to go see an Alouettes vs. Argonauts game to watch Ricky Williams. Go Canuckistan.
Notes for Brian:

Burn two copies of RAD for Sky.

Burn Kate one copy of RAD.

Burn Sky one copy of the RAD soundtrack.

beep beep
Note to self:

Be more stealthy with orange cones.

beep beep
Note to self: Post here often.

Beep-Beep.